Hiding the the truth

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (10 Comments)

I asked a question on We Are Visible about whether or not folks hide the fact that they are homeless or have ever been homeless. As expected, everyone’s answer varied according to their situation but I have to ask, why? Why hide something that is becoming a growing epidemic? Why hide the fact that there wasn’t a safety net in place when so many are slipping through the cracks of a social services program or programs that policy makers are unraveling quickly?

Yes, there is the attitude among many that homeless folks must be lazy, have addiction problems or mental health issues but you know what? If you let those kinds of attitudes influence you against standing up for yourself or speaking up for compassion, then you are feeding into a system of negativity. I see this as no different from those who say that you shouldn’t tell anyone that you were abused as a child or that you should keep it a secret that you were raped.

That being said, I still think that folks should work at making their lives worth living. Taking handouts to perpetuate complacency contributes nothing to getting out of homelessness. This is not the same as accepting help when you’ve done everything you can to help yourself but still can’t get out of homelessness due to revolving door policies that don’t work or make things worse.

I also understand that there may be times that you might want to use discretion about revealing your circumstances. A lot of employers have issues with hiring homeless people even though a job would certainly help towards ending homelessness. To my way of thinking, it’s a person’s skills and experience that determine whether or not I hire them; not their living situation.

I am a homeless single mother and this is what I write about. I am not ashamed of my situation, I’m ashamed of others who did nothing to stop it. It is my goal to educate others about the growing reality of homelessness in this country. I encourage those of us “in the closet” to come forward and let people know what’s going on in your world.

The more people know, the less they have to fear….right?

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I tried not to look

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (3 Comments)

Today is one of those days my mind wanders back to when I had more than I have now. But then I wonder if that was ever really true. Yes, there were times I wanted to give up when everything seemed to be insurmountable. Funny how that molehill in front of you becomes a mountain when things pile up faster than you can knock them down. If there’s one thing living out of an RV taught me, it’s that you are more resilient than you give yourself credit for.

Too many times I see and hear people beating themselves up over things they may not have control over. Getting caught up on past events won’t help you move forward. I think back to what my great-grandfather used to tell me. 97 years old and the man had seen more hells than I could imagine but he always listened to what the young had to say. He said to me when I was 14 “You may not have riches that be counted in money but your life can be rich with experiences. Those experiences are teachers even if the lesson is ugly. Some come to teach hate and others dwell in fear but don’t forget that love will beat them all. If you didn’t have these experiences, you won’t learn anything.”

Back then I had no idea what he was really saying but I do now. I used to be in the habit of not wanting to see the ugly I knew was all around me. Then I remembered a saying I once read that said that all sunshine and no rain makes a desert….Guess that’s what inspired this poem:

I tried not to look

I tried not to look

Into the eyes

Of pain and suffering

 

But something about

The color of lost souls

Wouldn’t let me go

 

Maybe it’s because I see

So much of myself

In them

 

And it doesn’t matter what others say

When you don’t really have

A place to stay

 

Home is a four letter word

Often misunderstood

Be careful how it’s used

 

It’s not a person, place or noun

It’s a way of thinking

Until you’ve found

 

That special place deep inside

The one that can’t be taken

Away

 

If you’re lucky, really, really, lucky

You might find

A partner for the journey

 

To calm the silent louds

That won’t go astray

Even when tomorrow is today

 

Hang on to the parts of you

Slipping through your grasp

There’s still so much to do

 

Once upon a time

I was one who took

Too much for granted and

 

I tried not to look

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Freeloading on the minds of Americans

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (8 Comments)

In case you didn’t see it, John Stossel appeared on Bill O’Reilly’s show, the O’Reilly Factor stating that he “pretended” to be a homeless person and claims he would’ve made $23,000.00 a year at the rate he was “making it”. Since I am in the habit of not watching trash tv, I read an article on Mr. Stossel’s appearance on the O’Reilly Factor which brought many questions to mind.

First of all, exactly how did Mr. Stossel ”pretend” to be homeless? Did he choose to act out a preconceived notion of what HE thought homeless people are like? Why didn’t he “pretend” to be the homeless who dress, talk, work and act like everybody else who isn’t homeless? Calling the homeless “freeloaders” is strange talk from a man who once said “The biggest recipients of handouts are not poor people.”

I got news for you, Mr. Stossel, instead of pretending to be homeless, go talk to the homeless families that lost their jobs, then their homes but are working non-living wages because in case you haven’t noticed, too many are still unemployed or unemployable. Talk to those of us who know that begging will not get you $23,000.00 a year as you claim. The kind of rhetoric spewed by statements like yours does nothing to help people out of homelessness, rather it inspires more ignorance and apathy than ever.

How about putting your “investigative reporting” skills to good use and actually report on the facts of homelessness as they really are? Might be a good idea to do so before getting “body-slammed” by REAL homeless people who do not freeload on the minds of people who don’t know what homelessness is like.

Just sayin’…..

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15,000 and counting…..

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (4 Comments)

So, according to an article posted in The Wall Street Journal, New York’s Disadvantage Program that helped homeless folks find homes sent letters to 15,000 people telling them that they couldn’t count on a subsidy that would move them out of shelters and into stable housing. This comes not long after the city played a cruel experiment of getting people to sign waivers to bar them from getting help for two years for the sake of tracking who goes into shelters and who doesn’t.

Now the city is pointing their fingers at budget cuts that will remove millions from its programs. The city is cited as saying that the homeless population will increase by 51% without this program. 51%!! The Deputy Mayor for Health and Human Services, Linda Gibbs quoted that there are no replacement programs in sight, let me repeat that, NO REPLACEMENT PROGRAMS PLANNED…….

So now what? For those already in New York, there aren’t enough shelters as it is so where are all the people who are currently housed going to go once their subsidy runs out? Regardless of who points the finger of blame, what action is being taken to protect these families with kids from sleeping on the street? While advocates duke it out in court with the city, it’s the children who will suffer the most when their safety nets get yanked from beneath them.

I can only imagine what’s going through the minds of families now wondering what they’re going to do next. For a city official to blame the state for developing a crisis is not an excuse to abandon responsibility towards the people they serve. I question if it’s cheaper to build additional shelters rather than improve an existing program so that it keeps people from living on the streets.

Either way, I’ll be watching….

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You know it’s funny….

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (2 Comments)

You know it’s funny to see the expressions on other people’s faces when you tell them you’re homeless, especially when you run across old classmates or friends of family that didn’t know as much as they thought they did. Relax, I tell them. You were expecting to see someone who didn’t look like I do or maybe you thought I had relatives supporting me until I get back on my feet. Sorry to disappoint those preconceived notions.

I am no different from you it’s just that, I lost my job and there aren’t the social services you assumed were in place to catch us when we fall. Maybe you voted to defund programs because you thought the only people who benefited from them were drug addicts too far gone or lazy people who simply didn’t want to work. Maybe you thought that the puny amount of funds our government spends on social services is more than what the government spends outside this country.

Then there are those of you who look at me and wonder why I don’t just go out and live off some man as though that were the only option a woman has in getting a better life. Hasn’t the women’s movement gone beyond that kind of thinking by now? Having a man in your life does not guarantee your life will be any better….

I also think it’s funny when folks ask me how I’m doing even though I post status updates on this blog or on my Facebook page. If you really want to know, try reading. As far as donations go towards fixing the transmission on the mini-van, we are now up to $770.00 which is about 30% of the targeted goal of $2,500.00.

On my little book of poetry, 77 books were sold (Yay!) so I thank each and every one of you who bought and read them! The book I wrote for my oldest daughter, New Descendant, has only sold 5 copies so far but, that’s 5 people reading it and I’m grateful. I know how the book industry goes so it will be a while in getting my stories out to as many as I can, I just have to be patient!

In the meantime, I’m just like everyone else who is looking for full-time work that will enable me NOT to pay for childcare as it is too expensive. When I had two jobs, one of them was solely to pay for childcare.

If you’re reading this, do me a favor. Please don’t feel sorry for me, I’m not asking for pity. I’ve been through a lot worse and maybe sometime in the near future, my experiences with homelessness won’t be in vain. If you realize I’m homeless, don’t suddenly act as though I have a contagious disease, I don’t. I’m the same person you once knew, just in a difficult situation. If you want to help because you believe in the cause that homelessness can be ended, great! I salute you in your efforts to help out!

For the rest of the homeless nation, keep on fighting and don’t give up!

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Mini van update

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (6 Comments)

So far $690.00 has been donated to help get my transmission fixed. A big thanks to everyone who gave! To be honest, I just wasn’t sure anyone would; guess you all showed me! Right now the van is just sitting in a gravel parking lot where it won’t be bothered by anybody. The deadline I have is April 10th so if I’m unable to get the transmission fixed, I’ll have to get rid of the van since my friend’s landlord’s won’t let the van stay parked where it is indefinitely.

In the meantime, I will continue to write as much as I can while looking for ways to make a living. I’m not having much luck getting job interviews or even a “thank you for applying” response to the ads I’ve applied to. Doesn’t get me down though. For all the talk you hear about the economy getting better and supposedly more jobs being made, there sure are a lot of unemployed people here in Washington State.

When you don’t have a vehicle to get around in, you realize just how much you relied on it. I had to cancel two doctor’s appointments and missed my niece’s birthday party because I couldn’t get a ride there. Once the van is fixed or I get another vehicle, I’ll be mobile again!

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New Descendant

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness | Uncategorized - (1 Comments)

A while back I mentioned that while living out of the Minnie Winnebago, I wrote a story for my oldest daughter to keep her mind occupied. New Descendant came about because she was angry and depressed most of the time and writing about a young girl close to her age was the only way I could comfort her. I wanted her to see that poverty does not define who you are as a person. It’s just a situation that you have to live through the best you can.

At the same time, I wanted her to hear the stories of our cultural background. Characters like Raven, the Yunwi Tsunsdi (Little People), Shape shifters and vampire like creatures (Aswang from the Philippines) were stories I heard while growing up. A lot of folks don’t realize that we have tales of werewolves but they are not like those that came from Europe. The wolf is not an evil spirit to be feared.

I still write about the main character, Yeracenna and her journey through a world that seems strange and wonderful at the same time. I have the outlines for four sequels already written out and am working on the second book, Serpent’s Ascent. At the same time I’m working on Tales from the driver’s side which is about half-way finished. For me, writing is like a medicine to soothe a weary soul. In it I find new energy that I didn’t know I had!

I hope readers young and old can relate to the characters I created. In many ways I think the story kept my daughter from sinking further into depression while we lived out of the RV. Maybe it will help some other kid out there from doing the same.

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Tales from the driver’s side

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (1 Comments)

Although homelessness isn’t a glamorous place to be, sometimes things happen that are downright funny, like the time this couple living out of their conversion van left a Wal-Mart parking lot in a hurry and forgot that the clothes line on the roof of their van still had all their laundry on it and as they drove down the street, underwear and bras went flying all over the road!

One thing I noticed out here was the fact that you observe a lot when you are constantly moving around. Sometimes you see bad things, sometimes good. It just depends on where you’re at and when. I’ll never forget waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of shotgun blasts and the flashing lights of police cars chasing a white pick-up truck down the street. Apparently the person they were chasing was involved in a murder at a local motel and the police ran the guy into a median, then shot out the rearview window when the guy started shooting at the police. Needless to say, I didn’t go back to that neighborhood unless I was desperate because these kinds of incidents happened a little too frequently there.

I will never forget one older woman who saw us every day at a local park. She went there to walk for exercise in the mornings and one day she tapped on my window. I rolled it down thinking she needed help but to my surprise, she held up a bag of apples she brought with her that morning. She said “Excuse me hon, but are you homeless? I don’t mean to pry but I’ve been seeing you here all summer long and kind of guessed that you were. I want you and your girls to have these.” She became a good friend along with another older gal that walked her little dog around the park. I came to find out that these two ladies knew each other! The woman with the dog would bring occasional Happy Meals for my kids and I was so grateful that she did. I didn’t qualify for food stamps then because I was working but the money I made went into the gas tank and maintenance on the r.v.. It just wasn’t enough to survive on.

By contrast, there was another family that also frequented the park and they saw us with our r.v. but…the father had a position at the church that sat on the other side of the park and although my kids would talk from time to time with his kids, he made a point of separating his kids from mine once my youngest told them we lived out of the Minnie Winnebago. What was he afraid of? Homelessness is not a contagious disease.

These are the thoughts I thought today while sitting at the park with my youngest today. Seven years it’s been and I haven’t given up hope yet. I still have a way to go before I can get my transmission fixed on the mini-van but several people have donated funds to help me and I thank all of you that gave so generously. So far, $665.00 has been raised and I am truly amazed! With a little luck, I’ll be able to raise the rest of the money needed to get the transmission switched out before the end of April. Otherwise, I’ll have to scrap the van and figure out how to get another vehicle.

Day by day is how we’re living and tomorrow is the beginning of another new start towards a brighter future so don’t give up!

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An understanding educator

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (6 Comments)

After an interesting conversation with my youngest’s teacher, I have discovered that my daughter actually told her class that she was homeless. This is the email the teacher sent to me after I sent her a message saying “She did?”:

“She did and it was very matter of fact.   I can’t even remember what led to the comment.   She did not seem ashamed, just matter of fact.  I don’t want to label her and would never have brought it up myself to the class but sometimes when you say something aloud it does not have the power to shame you.  I clarified what it meant in Maggie’s case because I think that some kids associate homeless people with only those that hold signs by the roadside.  As we know, it is much bigger and more complicated than that.”

                                                                                                                                Judy

I am so proud of my daughter! I was worried about her self-esteem because she was reluctant to go to a new school and I also worried about her ability to make new friends. Last year she refused to tell anybody that we were living in a run down motor home because she didn’t want the other kids to make fun of her. I think having an understanding educator like Judy has gone a long way in making Maggie feel “safe”. Maggie has even told her teacher that she may not be at that school, which may be true, I just won’t know yet.

This incident just proves to me that kids are tougher than we give them credit for. I think that for Maggie, seeing how her mother deals with a tough situation has influenced her attitude about being homeless.

Now if only I can get through to my teenager!

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Teachers without a clue

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (11 Comments)

I got an email the other day from my youngest daughter’s teacher about a “Cool U” interview with each student in class. Typical of my daughter not to say anything about this project until the last-minute! I didn’t see the blue sheet with details on it that the teacher sent home with all the students until today. I even went through photos I have stored on this laptop and emailed them to her.

Turns out that this project is asking for my daughter to take pictures of her home and neighborhood, pets or farm animals, favorite activities and family. Right off the bat, I see a problem. First of all, we’re homeless, do you want photos of a mini van that isn’t moving right now? Second of all, we have no pets and my eldest daughter doesn’t get “home” from school and after school activities until almost 8 pm. That leaves just the few photos I have on my laptop. Our favorite activities are to have enough food to eat, a warm and safe place to sleep and no harassment from the police. I’m sure the school would love to have my daughter post that to her entire class.

Of course, me being me, I will again contact this teacher (don’t get me wrong, I actually like her and think she does a great job) and let her know that this project highlights what most people take for granted. People don’t realize my girls don’t want their peers to know how they’ve been living. I will simply have to tell the school that if they can’t use the pictures I already sent then maybe my daughter doesn’t need to take part in this activity. Sure, the teacher gave my daughter a camera to use but it has no batteries and it’s not like I have the cash to buy any. I still have a transmission that needs to be replaced.

You know now that I think about it, this isnt’ the first time a situation like this came up. When the holiday season was here, my youngest was given a flyer about a holiday program being held in the school auditorium and the school was asking all the kids to wear their best holiday outfits. Well my daughter only has one dress and it is the one from two years ago that she wore to my grandmother’s funeral. She can barely fit it but she wanted to go so we went. My daughter takes violin at the school and sometimes they have recitals. Again, Maggie was sent “home” with another flyer asking all the kids to dress up and wear black and white. Needless to say, she didn’t go to that recital. Her dress has since been donated to a thrift store because she just can’t fit it anymore.

Even my teenager has to let things pass her by at high school if it costs money. I am proud of her though. She hasn’t given up looking for a job, even if it’s babysitting!

Little things like this sting more than people realize. Once I tell my kids’ teachers that we are homeless and have been for a while, they suddenly don’t know what to say or the opposite happens. I laughed when a school counselor asked me if I knew about welfare and shelters. I laughed and told her she doesn’t know me too well, does she?

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