Homeless parenting…..

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (2 Comments)

Parenting while homeless is no different than what other parents do; it’s just that as a parent without my own home, I have to deal with situations that non-homeless parents don’t have to worry about. For instance, my teenage daughter is going through major depression because of our situation and she has gotten to the point where just being at school every day is filled with dread. She is constantly worrying about her peers finding out that she’s homeless and her self esteem right now is directly linked to everything she feels she doesn’t have. Like most teens, there is an over focusing on appearances and popularity and having the money to go out every weekend. I can’t blame my daughter for the way she feels when she gets surrounded by this kind of pressure every day but at the same time, I cannot let her give up on her education or on herself.

She is fortunate enough to have two very nice girls who have befriended her regardless of her living arrangements and so far, they have kept our homelessness a secret. In fact they were the ones who told her about a young man they knew of that is currently living in a shelter not too far from the high school. Although I do what I can to help her self-esteem, I am the one who feels responsible for the pain and misery she feels. The logical side of me knows that I did everything I could to keep a roof over our heads but my emotional side is oblivious to reason. I feel like it’s my fault my kid wants to commit suicide because she feels no one cares whether she lives or dies. I can only talk to her so much but she has to come to the realization that life is worth living on her own because no matter how many times anyone talks to her; they can’t convince her that our situation will improve any time soon.

My daughter has seen me call shelters and transitional housing agencies only to be told there is nothing available time and time again. Here in Seattle we are overwhelmed and underfunded and our homeless population is not going down. If you are lucky, you may get on a waiting list but the stay in a shelter will only last about two months and then you’re put out on the street to start the cycle all over again. Section 8 is not an option
and hasn’t been for several years since our state is closed to even apply for housing vouchers. If you get an application, it is with the understanding that you are applying to be put on a waiting list with a minimum of 3 years.

My teen has watched police chase us from parking lots and public parks even though we had the right to be there. I was harassed by two police officers for “camping” in a parking lot in front of a store I happened
to be shopping at. They claimed that the store owner had called in a complaint but I researched that and found out that no complaint was made by the store owner. They made an assumption because they saw us in the RV I had. Fortunately, I had friends who were officers as well and they looked into it. Needless to say, I never saw those two officers again. One of my officer friends warned me that the area I was in happened to be notorious for racial profiling and I made a point of not making my presence known whenever I went through that particular neighborhood.

On the other hand, I have had officers go out of their way to give me rides so I could be at work on time or to daycare when I worked odd hours and had no working vehicle to drive with. Some have bought me coffee or
pointed out places that were ok to spend a night at. One even gave me gas money. You just never know what kind of people you will run into and it doesn’t matter if they wear a uniform. People are people but I made sure I did not feed into preconceived notions on what most people think of when see a homeless person. The disbelief and shock on their faces pretty much tells me what I need to know.

I imagine that things would be a lot worse for us if I had an addiction problem or mental health issues and although my daughter is thankful that I don’t, it doesn’t lessen the pain and humiliation she feels. Watching how some have treated us and the disconnectedness of relatives has led my daughter to believe that our situation is hopeless. She has been trying to find a part time job to help but no one is hiring or won’t hire her because she has no prior experience. Now add to this the fact that we are currently “living” in a small town where there aren’t many jobs available and you can see where all her frustration is coming from. How do you give your child hope when every step you take leads to nowhere?

Tomorrow may be a new day but in her eyes it is another day of more of the same.

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Counting my blessings

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (2 Comments)

“A cynic is a man who
knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.”

Oscar Wilde

 

You may think that homeless folks have nothing to be thankful for but that assumption is as incorrect as believing all homeless people are the same. Recently I posted on my Facebook page an article I found about the Joplin tornado victims who, although are now homeless, still found blessings to be thankful for. This is only the beginning of the season and many people will become homeless due to tornadoes or floods. Add to this the thousands waiting for their unemployment benefits to end and a tidal wave of poverty is on its way.

Why wait for a natural disaster though, to bless other people with your time or even spare change? To most, the ever prevalent stereotypes of a “dirty bum” prevents seeing the less fortunate as human beings and let’s face it; it is very difficult to think in terms of compassion when you see someone urinating in public or obviously hasn’t bathed in a long while. The truth is that this stereotype is a small percentage of the homelessness that is steadily growing among young people, families, the disabled and the elderly.

Many homeless people work, some have two jobs and yet it isn’t enough to get by. I know because I once had two jobs and it wasn’t enough to pay for the childcare that cost more than my rent plus utilities, car insurance, gas, food, kid expenses and the list goes on. Even though we are homeless, I still consider myself to have blessings; like the strangers who come forward to offer help when I least expect it or the handful of friends who stay in touch regardless of my income or the car I drive (or living situation) and the fact that I live in a country that hasn’t been devastated by constant war, famine and disease.

I’m not the only one out here that thinks this way. Take my friend RD for instance. Some of you may have seen her story on  InvisiblePeople.tv or have visited her blog, www.lostawareness.com. Here’s a video of her: http://invisiblepeople.tv/blog/2011/01/rd-homeless-los-angeles-140-conference/. RD has housing now but could use a little help in replacing a blood pressure monitor. You can find details on the monitor at http://lostawareness.blogspot.com/2011/05/thank-yous-and-panhandling.html?spref=fb. With everything RD has been through, she keeps a positive attitude and counts her blessings daily but her story is far from over. In addition to keeping her housing, she has to keep her health up as well. We may not have much but we do have something in common; that human bond that links us all together regardless of where we came from.

Now let’s get real for a minute here. There are some homeless people that need to address the issues that led to their homelessness especially if addiction and mental issues are involved. Facing up to your self is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do but you must do it if you ever hope to get back on your feet. Denying you have a problem and making excuses for not managing your condition only aggravates a hard life that eventually will kill you. On top of that, this kind of behavior alienates you from those who are sincerely trying to get you off the street but the hard lesson of life is this; nobody owes you a living and you don’t have the right to live off the hard work of other people. You can play the “pity me” game all you want but eventually people get wise and they’ll get tired of it. Why add to the stereotype that doesn’t need to be out there?

Because there are still so many questions about homelessness, I have decided to post detailed blogs about the myths of homelessness, the problem with statistics, the politics behind large scale poverty, community responsibility and stories that I got from the people I found living out of baseball parks, under blackberry bushes, out of their vehicles, in tent cities, on the waterfront and in the alleys most walk past without a second thought. It’s not going to be all doom and gloom either as there are stellar examples of community responses to the homelessness disaster. Sometimes the most heartfelt gestures of compassion I’ve ever seen came from individuals acting on their own without having to be asked to help. As always, the public is free to visit me at We Are Visible on Facebook. If anything, you may see for yourselves that we are a community to support each other through homelessness and those on the brink of becoming homeless. Everyone else is welcome too!

In closing, I’d like to leave you all with this video: Beth\’s story

 

 

 

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A Mother’s Day Reflection

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (2 Comments)

I woke up this morning with my seven year old grinning at me. She said “Happy Mother’s Day Mommy!” and handed me a homemade paper Chinese take-out box filled with crepe-paper flowers she made at school for me. I gave her a hug and a kiss and thanked her for her gift. Mother’s Day for me is a holiday I see with mixed emotions. Most of us are familiar with the scene of a mother surrounded by flowers and gifts from her family, sometimes with grandma included!

Today though, a very different image is emerging and it is far removed from a Hallmark greeting card holiday. According to the U.S. Census Bureau’s latest statistics, 1 in 4 mothers in America lives in poverty but what the Census does not tell you is that the government made poverty worse when the Personal Responsibility and Work Reconciliation Act was enacted in 1996 and again in 2006.This act ended the government’s obligation to provide minimum support to impoverished single heads of households, i.e., single parents.

Changes or “reforms” to welfare programs do little to help women out of poverty. Having a healthy economy with living wage jobs do that! Out
of all the industrialized nations on earth, the U.S. has the highest rates of poverty and much of this is due to focusing on profitability. In case you haven’t noticed, corporate America panders to the middle and upper class segment of society because they can afford to support a system designed to maximize profits for the already wealthy. For a single mother or father, the situation is worse.

Here’s an example given by Samantha Johnson in a piece she wrote called “Poverty, Single Mothers and the Working Poor”:
“A single mother with two children, in Oregon, qualifies for a maximum of just under $800.00 per month in cash assistance. Assuming a single
mother has food stamps, she is able to buy groceries. The $800.00 in cash assistance- which comes from a federal program called TANF (Temporary Assistance for Needy Families) would then be allocated to living expenses, rent, utilities, child care, etc. That amount of money is not enough to pay for basic necessities, and it’s only available for a maximum of 5 years. In the 1990′s, President Clinton put a limit on the amount of time a family can be on TANF when he reformed the welfare system. Once you’ve been on it for 5 years, you can never get the assistance again. A single mother receiving welfare is put in a position where she can either live on welfare until it expires, or she can attempt to better her life chances with an education. If she attempts to get educated, her welfare programs will be cut. If she attempts to find a job,
her welfare programs will be cut. The institutions put in place to “help” the working poor and single parents are the same institutions
that contribute to the amount of poverty in the US because they limit the ability of the poor to better themselves economically. These institutions are also responsible for demonizing the poor, particularly poor single mothers, and use the person blame approach. The institutions in government that are supposed to help single mothers only exacerbate the situation with bureaucracy and rules
that bind the individual to the program so it’s near impossible to achieve desirable social status or a college education. The only way one could do that, and still receive welfare benefits, is to lie.”

Even in a strong economy, the poverty rate among single mother families did not improve. A study done in 2001 by the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities showed that the assumption of moving mothers from welfare to work didn’t have the impact on poverty policy makers thought it would. Why? Because any increased earnings a mother makes is automatically offset by the declining safety net programs the government used to provide. For the folks who remained poor, the system pushed them further into poverty. I find it odd that people will ask how much it costs our nation to help single mothers in poverty yet do not ask what it will cost if we don’t.

For mothers living in poverty due to no familial support, lack of child support, loss of a job or health, I salute you for doing all that you can to take care of your children in an economy that does not support you.  Being in survival mode for extended periods of time while living in an emergency status is not easy and is more draining than you are given credit for yet you do it anyway for the sake of your kids. Please don’t lose hope and don’t give up. If we all stand together, we will make it through this.

I wish you all a Happy Mother’s Day regardless!

 

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