Hanging out in local parks

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (2 Comments)

It’s funny how while you’re on your journey through life, you end up meeting people that are willing to tell you their story. While in Auburn, I took my youngest daughter to a park and once there, Maggie befriended three red-headed children varying in ages and their mother. You mothers out there know that while your kid is playing with other kids, sooner or later conversations happen between you and other parents. Well one thing led to another and soon this now single mother told me that she was a young widow raising her kids alone. She lost her husband to cancer only a few months ago and they were just now going on outings again. She told me she’s having a rough time financially but she has a handful of relatives in the area to help her while she looks for work. If things don’t improve soon though, she has no idea what will happen to her and the kids.

I listened to her while the kids ran through giant water sprinklers because it seemed to me that it was no accident that we happened to be in the park that day. She said they do get her husband’s pension payments because he was a firefighter but they are one check away from homelessness. She told me that you really have to be grateful for every day you get because things can change on you faster than you could possibly imagine. I thanked this young mom and told her my kids and I would probably be in the area from time to time and I looked forward to meeting her again.

Not long after meeting this young family, I met another woman who was visiting Washington from Oregon. This woman was a grandmother with five beautiful grandchildren playing in a sandbox big enough for a group of adults to play in. She told me that she works for social services in Oregon and she realized first-hand how bad the homeless situation was getting there due to lack of affordable housing and not enough shelters to house everyone looking for help. She is also angry at the fact that when budget cuts come around, it seems to always be on the backs of the needy. I listened as she went down a list of all the programs being cut and laughed when she said she imagined this was happening nationally. I nodded in agreement. I told her to check out We Are Visible to see what Mark Horvath is doing to help the homeless connect via social media. I am hoping to hear from this Oregonian soon!

I managed to stop by a laundromat in Kent to see if an old friend still worked as an attendant there. I was pleased to see that she still does! “Margaret” asked if I was still homeless as it has been awhile since she saw us last. I told her I was and she shook her head. She remembered how I worked two jobs and even remembered when I couldn’t stop shaking after I had a bad igraine/seizure that put me in the emergency room one night. “Margaret” is 80 years old and social security is not enough for her to live on so she works for minimum wages at the laundromat to supplement her income. She took a liking to us and whenever she finds abandoned blankets, coats or hats, she lets us come by and pick them up.

While doing a load of laundry, I called my local DSHS office because they sent me a letter saying that although they received my paperwork for a review on food stamp and health benefits, it was denied because I missed my interview. I called 5 times to hear the automated phone systems say that all operators were busy and that I should try my call later. On the sixth try, I got to a case worker and asked why no one bothered to read the portion of paperwork I filled out that clearly says I asked for a phone interview. I have been doing phone interviews for the last several years because I don’t always have gas money to get to the local office. The case worker said they no longer look at that and I mentioned that every time I have to deal with this office there’s a problem. The last time I filled out paperwork to keep my benefits going, the woman I spoke too told me that my case was updated. A doctor’s bill came back to me as having been denied by my health coverage because we had no eligibility. After several attempts to get a live person on the phone, another caseworker pulled my file to discover the last one did not follow through on updating my file so we had the privilege of waiting a week to buy food. I can tell you worse experiences I’ve had with DSHS that I should’ve been able to sue for on grounds of gross negligence but guess what? You can’t sue them because it’s in their contract that they can’t be sued even if they cause a major impact on your life. I was able to get my file updated today but….I will be calling back July 2nd to double check. I have learned that high case loads and the state not hiring more workers has led to a “haste instead of accuracy” pace behind the scenes to make production numbers look good to upper management. Due to budget cuts, some benefits on our health coverage have been eliminated and the hours of operation have changed as well. Try getting a hold of someone on a Friday….

When lunch time rolled around, Maggie and I went to a local grocery store with a deli in it that had microwaves. Maggie chose a corn dog for lunch happened to only be $2.00. I picked out a cheap fried chicken entree that happened to be on sale for $1.00! Add to that two bottled drinks and we paid $6.00 total for the two of us!

 

 

 

I went on the internet here at the library to look at job postings….ha ha ha ha haaa! After I recovered, I moved more stuff from my storage unit to my friend’s place in Fremont as I plan on having a big yard sale starting on Friday. Advertising it on Craig’s list is a no-brainer since it’s free! I have until the end of the month to get rid of my storage unit as the manager of the property said I only need to give two day’s notice that I won’t be  needing it otherwise they’ll charge me $120.00.

I can honestly say that there hasn’t been a day yet where I haven’t met folks who weren’t affected by the recession this country is still stuck in. Even so, it doesn’t dampen my spirits much. Sometimes, having it rough can be a blessing in disguise. For one thing, it toughens you to hardship as long as you don’t give up. Yes, there are times when we cry because of our situation but my kids have amazed me more than once. Maggie told me last night that even though we live in a van, she’s glad that we are together. Even my testy teenager wonders how it is that I didn’t give them up at the first sign of trouble. Well, here’s my philosophy on that….Just because times get rough doesn’t mean I give up on keeping my family together. The “system” will tear families apart simply because the support structure is faulty in the first place and too often, I’ve seen it cause more problems that it solved. Gross mismanagement of funds for the needy at the federal level cause exponential hardships for many and because of that, all the public sees is a waste of money. Negative images fuel voters to support politicians who are in favor of stripping or eliminating social services. What would happen if the poor had powerful lobbyists of their own?

On the positive side of things, I am truly amazed at the emails I get from folks telling me how glad they are that I have shared my experiences with them. I figure by being public about a growing tragedy in this country that can be prevented (but isn’t), it will help others to see that homelessness isn’t some communicable terminal disease. If you land in it, don’t give up, there is a community out here to help you stay positive and connected.

It’s called We Are Visible and I hope to see you all there!

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What I did today….

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (0 Comments)

 

 

I’ve spent the last few days cleaning out the storage unit I’ve had ever since the day I moved into and RV back in 2004. I think it’s a good move for now since it is costing me $120.00 a month that I don’t have. I’d rather spend that money keeping the mini-van’s gas tank full. I want to thank all the folks sending me their good thoughts and energy but you have to remember that I haven’t had my own place for about 8 years now. All I did was downsize from a 1981 Minnie Winnebago to a Ford Aerostar mini-van! I’m still a busy person trying to do what I can to spread the word about We Are Visible and next Thursday I am going to Auburn Youth Resources to talk about what We Are Visible is about and of course tell them all I can about Mark Horvath. My plan is to print out some of We Are Visible’s flyers to give to the outreach team when I get there next week. I’m hoping to get in touch with other community groups working with the homeless in the Seattle-Tacoma area.

In the meantime, I’m still applying for jobs regardless if it’s part-time or full-time. In case you didn’t know, getting a job to get out of homelessness is a full time process in itself. First, how are you going to afford child care during the summer if you get hired at a part-time job at minimum wage? Not only that, did you know that welfare deducts from your food stamps (or cash if you get it) once you have a job? In many ways, I might as well wait until school starts in the fall just to be able to afford to go to work part-time to avoid paying any child care at all!

As I sit here behind the steering wheel writing this blog, I am watching a young cottontail rabbit watching me as I watch it. It hopped across the road to the grassy field next to where I am parked and made itself comfortable next to some bushes under a tree. Even when I got out to take my youngest to the restroom, it was not afraid of us and my daughter was so excited to see a rabbit so close to us. She is fast asleep in her sleeping bag and since it is almost 11:00 pm, I might as well join her.

Tomorrow is a new day and another start on the path to a different life!

 

 

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The gods were testing me…..

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (1 Comments)

While trying to down size my storage unit, I’ve been taking stuff to a friend’s house in Fremont to sell at weekend yard sales. On the way back from one of those trips, I noticed my front tires making funny wobbling sounds. At first I thought I was getting a flat but when I pulled over to check, I noticed they weren’t flat but the treads were looking really bad. I made it to Enumclaw to a friend’s house but it was after seven in the evening so I had to wait till morning to call around for replacement tires.

In the meantime, my thoughts were racing to how I was going to pay for all this. Although I keep applying for jobs, I still haven’t landed one yet. Child support only comes in for one of my daughters but that only amounts to $150.00 a month. I got an opportunity to help a vendor in August but that’s still a couple of months away. In the meantime, I’m selling off what I can out of my storage unit as it costs me $120.00 a month to keep and I need
all the money I can get at this point. The car gods, I thought, are testing me….

I decided to get on Twitter and mention that I needed two tires for the mini-van. Before I knew it, some kind folks donated towards the tire fund but I still had no idea how much it was all going to cost. At eight this morning, I called around and found a tire shop nearby that quoted over the phone that used tires will cost around $86.00-$88.00 each. I verified the address of his shop which, thank goodness, was only about a mile away. The donations I received came to $191.00. When I got to the tire shop, one of the guys there came out and said he was the one I spoke to over the phone. He took a look at my tires and said that he didn’t have any used ones but he had two new ones but they would cost $97.00 each. Crap! I only had the $191.00 plus the $20 dollar bill in my pocket that I was going to put in the gas tank.

While all kinds of thoughts were running through my head, my youngest daughter took a seat on the nearby curb. I told the guy that we live out of the van and without those tires, we were gonna be stuck. I could tell he was thinking hard. He said “I tell you what, I’ll do what I can to keep the bill from going over $200.00.” I asked the guy how long it would take to replace the wheels and he said about a half hour to forty-five minutes. While he worked on the tires, my daughter and I walked across the street to the grocery store for breakfast. There were fast food places nearby but they don’t take food stamps.

Homeless tip: If you are homeless or living out of your vehicle and have food stamps or a limited budget to buy food, look for grocery store chains with deli kitchens in them. Some of them have microwaves for public use near the seating areas. I clip coupons for frozen dinners or plan my budget around store sales on frozen meals. Also, many delis will mark the food in the cases down to 50% off about a half hour to an hour before they clean out their display cases for the night. When I had cash, I’d wait till 7:30 pm and grab a box of fried chicken for $4.00 compared to the $8.00 the store deli normally charged. You can’t buy hot foods on food stamps so I often peruse the “cold” deli items in nearby bins then head over to the microwaves after I paid for my items. Doing this stretches my food budget so I have enough left over by the time the EBT card resets the next month.

After my daughter and I finished our breakfasts, we walked back over to the tire shop. I met the guy who worked on the mini-van in the front office and was surprised to find out he was also the owner. He smiled at us and said “Hon, I got good news for you. I was able to keep the bill under $200.00.” The total charges for two new tires plus tax came to exactly $190.08!!! Thank you Enumclaw Tire Shop! I told the shop owner that I am telling all my friends about them! The owner chuckled and thanked us for the business.

I know the car gods aren’t done with me yet as the mini-van will need regular maintenance and repairs every now and then. All I can do right now though is keep trying to get a regular income to be able to head off major repairs that are expensive. Because summertime means no school, I can’t afford full time childcare for my youngest. Childcare always goes up in the summer for parents because even though they still have to work, when school’s out, the bill goes from part-time care to full-time care which devastates many household budgets. When I worked two jobs, one of those jobs was to pay for childcare only!

Whenever car troubles happen and I’m strapped for cash, I could very easily slip into an anxiety attack but I always have to remind myself to think with a clear head. Panicking only makes things worse. I’ve already gone through using up a car to the point that the only option left was to run it into the ground to keep my job but resulted in donating it later to the junkyard simply because I did not have enough money left over to pay for repairs. Single om’s without vehicles spend a lot of time on public transportation that they’d rather be spending with their kids. When I didn’t have a car, I spent two hours on buses to get to work, another hour getting to my childcare provider, and then another two hours riding the bus back home with  the kids. 5 hours every day on the bus because taxi’s are out of the question unless it’s an emergency and there was nobody for me to carpool with or get my   to daycare.  I ended up spending  more money on bus fare than I would have if I had had my own car. I can’t even afford to take light rail because here in Seattle, the system isn’t cost  efficient for my situation and without my mini-van, things for me and my girls  would be much, much worse.

Tomorrow begins a new day and a new set of trials I’m sure but I am waiting..and I’m ready to greet them head on!

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Rough draft

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (0 Comments)

Ever since I went to the 140 Conference, all kinds of ideas came to me but knowing what will work for me is a learning process. Every day I find other ways to make living out of a van a little easier for my kids. With that in mind, I got to thinking about a project I’ve always wanted to do but had no idea how to do it. I could ask Mark but let’s face it. He’s got his own life and own schedule to follow. He can’t be everywhere at once and I would feel wrong for relying too much on any one person outside of myself. That being said, I made this rough, rough draft of a video about me and the kids. It’s only a few minutes long but it was the best I could do with an old camera that only takes 2 minutes of video at a time. The sound quality isn’t all that great but I’m not a professional filmmaker. I just want to show people how they can survive out here while working towards a better future. Just because I’m homeless doesn’t mean I won’t contribute to whatever community I happen to be in. If everything goes according to plan, I hope to start posting my videos on YouTube every week.

The other thing about this project is to show how indigenous traditional knowledge helps to keep me sane. There are times when there isn’t enough money to get the things you need or want so what do you do? I am grateful that my ancestors taught me how to live without money. I am grateful that they told me how they survived an American holocaust that too many want to pretend wasn’t as horrific as it was. Because of that background, I won’t let a manufactured reality of consumerism rule my life. In my opinion, the people who crumble the hardest when hardships hit are those who allow their self esteem to be governed by how much money they make or how many things they can purchase to surround themselves with.

I hope to achieve many goals with this homemade project but the primary one is to give viewers and readers a glimpse into the realities of homelessness that don’t cater to the stereotypical “bum” in an alleyway. At the same time, those of you new to homelessness or are about to go homeless, I hope that what you read and see here helps you to survive with a clear head. The key is not letting your fears paralyze you. Yes, hearing the voices of my kids talking about homelessness will be hard to watch. It should be. We can’t keep pretending families going through economic hardships are simply because of irresponsibility nor can we excuse apathy with the fallacy of thinking morality is synonymous with intelligence as I’ve heard that warped argument as well. If intelligence and different perceptions on morality are one and the same, politicians would be squeaky clean, right? Church leaders wouldn’t be exposed for scandal either…..

As I said before, this video I made is pretty much a rough draft of an idea I want to further explore. Once I get cameras to film longer than 2 minute segments, it will be easier to show you more but I’m working on that. You will see how I reclaim wool from thrift store sweaters to knit warm gloves, hats and socks for the winter. Time willing, I can show you how to identify plants that are edible. All of these things I can do while being on the move since living out of your vehicle means not being visible in any one place for too long. It always helps to establish positive relationships with the community as well, something I’ve been able to do with many officers. Sure, you’ll get the occasional butt-head but you run into people like that everyday anyway.

As rough as we have it right now, we don’t spend our days dwelling on doom and gloom. I see despair the way I do termites; unless an infestation is exterminated right away, the damage done may be irreversible. The same can be said about false hopes. Unless I have something solid to offer towards my kids future, I have to keep trying to get us to a better life and I will do whatever it takes to get us there. You can’t force people to help even if they are related to you so the best thing to do is create your own foundations to build from. That way, you know what you’re working towards.

Since I’m still unemployed and still living out of our mini-van, I figure I might as well document what we do every week. You may find out that we aren’t so different from anybody else it’s just that we don’t have our own housing right now. To you proud single mothers out there, stay proud and stay strong! I know you because I’ve already walked miles in your shoes!

 

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Crowds in faces…..

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (3 Comments)

Going to New York is always an interesting experience and for me, going to the 140 Conference gave me a lot of memories and some things to think about that never occurred to me until I listened to folks from all over the world talk about how they use social media. Even more surprising were the folks who greeted me before and after being on stage. For me, it was almost surreal.

I enjoyed finally meeting Stephanie Brandt, especially since her story is very much the reality of homeless parenting in New York. My mind keeps drifting to questions like, what will she do since New York discontinued homeless programs without any plans of replacing them? Why do people look away at hard truths all around them? I know for a fact that New York isn’t the only place where this kind of attitude exists. Maybe some people are reluctant to face the reality of who the homeless are simply because with knowledge comes responsibility. Then there are those who know what’s going on but choose to do nothing anyway.

I know my voice isn’t the only one out there when it comes to advocating for basic human rights and the dignity of being treated like a human being regardless of race, income, beliefs and yes, whether or not you have housing. All too often, it is not a good idea to let an employer or potential employer find out you’re homeless. I’ve been turned down for employment once an employer found out and even when I was on a job, friendly supervisors advised me to keep it a secret from corporate as it is often viewed as “bad for business” somehow. Still, I haven’t given up hope in finding a job and if I can’t get employed then my only alternative is to create my own opportunity by turning myself into my own franchise so to speak. I may not know how to do that just yet but I’m a fast learner and one way or another, I will make it!

If you watched the video feed while I was on stage, you might have noticed that in the middle of my speechifying, my voice cracked. I don’t why exactly but it was at that moment a sudden realization came over me while I was talking. If it hadn’t been for Jeff Pulver and Mark Horvath, I wouldn’t be here talking to a crowd about being a homeless mother and how social media helps me get my story out. When I first decided to “come out” about being a homeless mother, I didn’t know at the time how I was going to go about getting my message out to the masses but I felt that one way or another, I would find a way. To my surprise it happened through a chance meeting with Mark. I’ll say this about Mr. Pulver, he certainly likes to hug! In my mind he is definitely Sir Hugs-a-lot! His ability to reach out like that showed me how committed he is to making this a human experience more than anything. Thanks Jeff! Thanks Mark!

I’ll let you in a secret….I was apprehensive about letting the world know my situation since our society ingrains in us a warped tendency to pretend things are better than what they are. But then I got to thinking about how no matter how hard I worked, I still couldn’t get ahead due to the politics of poverty and the sheer ignorance of friends and family who had preconceived notions about homelessness. Maybe there were other people out there, other mothers living as I was who needed to  know they weren’t alone. Maybe folks new to homelessness are in shock because they don’t know what to do or how to go about surviving while living in their cars. Maybe….I shouldn’t be afraid to reach out to them.

When I walked off stage, to my surprise a woman met up with me just outside of the stage doors. She told me how she thought I was so brave and as we talked, I told her about how many jobs I applied for but never heard back from the companies. Usually that happens because so many people apply for one job and for recruiters, they can only look at the first resumes received. The rest are never even looked at. To my surprise she slipped something into my hand and whispered to me to promise her that I would use what she gave me to buy something nice for myself. I told her she didn’t have to do this but she insisted so I gave my word.

When I left Seattle, my girls were a little apprehensive about what I was doing and my teenager still isn’t sure about what I do. For one thing, her self esteem (like any other teen) is heavily influenced by peer pressure. She worries about how she looks and being openly public about being homeless doesn’t exactly thrill her. As for my youngest, our situation is “normal” because she can’t recall a time we didn’t live on 4 wheels. For me as a parent, I worry that several more years will go by and I’ll still be homeless. My teen will have spent the majority of her life being homeless by the time she’s 18. How can I give my kids confidence that things will get better if I’m not sure sometimes that they will? Reading about where cutbacks are being made at the expense of the less fortunate does little to reassure anyone.

When I got back into Seattle, I told my girls about a woman named Laura who took a cab to the conference to meet Stephanie and I. She told us how our stories touched her and because of that, she had to come by with a gift. She handed each of an envelope with some money inside. She said she knew it wasn’t much but she wanted to do what she could to help. I was able to get my girls souvenir T-shirts and they were surprised because they weren’t expecting anything. My teen loves her shirt and my youngest thinks hers is “really cool.” That one act of random generosity really moved me. Even more touching was the fact that she offered to help Stephanie the next day to go shopping for things like diapers for her son. I could tell by the look on Stephanie’s face that she was touched by this woman’s offer to help. For Stephanie, having someone help her to get diapers for her son was a godsend.

Fast forwarding to when I got off the plane from New York……

I had a promise to keep to the beautiful woman back in New York to buy something special for myself. “Something special” can mean different things to different people and it wasn’t until yesterday that I figured out what the “special something” would be for me. See, my kids remembered how I used to take time out on weekends for “just us” time. They remember when I worked two jobs even while living out of an old Winnebago and how I wasn’t around as much as they wanted me to be. Even if I didn’t have money, whenever I got a day off, I would take them for a picnic at the park or to the beach in summer. In winter, we would go to a movie or find a decent inexpensive motel to spend the night in. They also enjoyed going camping in the Cascades, something we haven’t been able to do for several years now. Now this may not seem like much but there’s a restaurant chain we used to go to called The Country Buffet. It’s an all you can eat place a lot of families go to but if you don’t have the money, you don’t go. I asked my kids if they’d like to go there for dinner and they were quiet for a moment. How many times have they asked in the past only to hear that there was no money to go out to eat? I reassured them that this wasn’t a cruel joke and their faces lit up.

I spent dinnertime watching them go through buffet lines picking out everything they wanted to eat. My youngest was so excited to be able to get whatever dessert she wanted. I got to listen to my teen talk about things she wanted to do and her plans to earn money with one of her friends from school. We also talked about a plan of action to help manage her bouts of depression and academic goals to get her to where she wants to be later in life. There are no words to describe the look on your kid’s face when you reassure them that no matter what you’re doing in life, they are still very much a priority. Sometimes we as adults forget how the world looks through a child’s eyes and for my kids, too much time spent away from them begins to look like they’re being left behind.

Time to do nothing but just be with my kids and letting them tell me about their world is a luxury I don’t get very often, especially while working long hours for little or no pay. Risa, the gift you gave me was worth more than what was printed on paper but I did get myself an interesting little bottle of perfume I saw in a local drugstore on Lexington. Never in my life have I seen perfume designed to smell like every day scents like grass, dirt or clean laundry. Kind of reminded me of those every flavor jelly beans from Harry Potter so I bought one! Now I can have the fresh scent of clean laundry wherever I go!

The folks I met in New York left me with good memories and some ideas for some projects that I’ve been thinking about doing for awhile now. You just never know where life takes you or who you’ll meet so don’t ever give up on your life, no matter how rough things get.

The following poem was inspired from the view outside my hotel window and from watching people milling about in Times Square:

Crowds in faces

 

Dirty street, busy street, so many faces

Here, there and everywhere

Exactly where are they all going?

 

City lights, not so bright

Dirty streets to highlight

There’s always some place to be

Even when no place wants you

 

People lining up on Broadway

To see their favorite show

Out on the street everyone bows

To the scenes life plays out

 

Connected in their disconnects

I wonder if they know

There’s no logic in being blind

To a city full of woes

 

People on the streets asking for change

The pennies in a paper cup

Rattle with poverty’s rage

The poor daily will sip

 

See the dullness in their eyes

Shine with asphalt grey

Doesn’t matter who they are

As long as it isn’t you today

 

Faces in the crowd reflecting

We are they

And they are we

Together is how we ought to be

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A little too real

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (1 Comments)

Two days ago I submitted my story to a single mother’s group online because they had advertised that they were looking for real stories from single mothers. I of course submitted the following:

“I am still a mother

I’m not that kind of person you often hear about. I’m neither an addict nor a mental health patient. I don’t smoke and I don’t drink. I don’t sleep around and I’m not lazy. I’m not a high school drop out and have never been a pregnant teen. I’m not a quitter, a liar or a thief.

I am a homeless mother.

In April of 2004, when I no longer had a job and used up my savings and monies from my 401K plan, I bought a used 1981 Minnie Winnebago with my tax refund and moved my nine year old and one and half year old into it. Here in Seattle, there’s no such thing as Section 8 for help with housing as our state has been closed to applications for years now. I called shelter after shelter only to be turned away because more people than ever are using them and there aren’t enough built to handle the scores of people entering homelessness. I met with our local welfare office, the last place I wanted to visit, and was told by the social worker that they couldn’t do anything to stop us from being omeless but if I wanted to sell our only shelter and transportation, I could qualify for $400.00 a month in cash. I was then given a food stamp card and sent on my way. I prayed child support for my eldest would show up but to
this day it hasn’t.

For the first several months in our new “home”, I quickly learned just how “as is” the Minnie Winnie was as I read the owner’s manual to figure out what worked and what didn’t. I learned by surprise that the master cylinder on the
brakes needed to be replaced when I went down a hill and couldn’t stop. I learned how to replace an alternator on my own. I paid to have the brakes, generator, voltage regulator, and tires replaced. My plan was to make the Winnebago as safe and livable as possible while trying to get another job and hopefully save enough money to get our lives back. Maybe it would only be a temporary situation lasting a year or two I thought.

In the meantime I worked various jobs through temp agencies, never telling my employers about my living arrangements and definitely never telling them that I was working two jobs every time I got the chance. One day though, my body caught up with me. I happened to be working at a financial services company during the day and had just clocked out. As I headed to the elevators, my peripheral vision started getting watery and a supervisor walking by caught me by the arm and asked if I was alright. I didn’t even realize I was sliding down the wall but I shook it off and told her I would be fine. I didn’t say I say I had to be since I couldn’t afford to be late to the next job.

I made it out to the far end of the parking lot since that was where I always put the RV.  I was on my way to my babysitter’s house but halfway there, I felt the left side of my face, then arm go numb. I almost panicked because I was thinking I might be having a stroke or heart attack. I told myself to stay calm and find a place to pull over in case I cause an accident. I remembered a garage nearby that my babysitter’s husband had told me about since the owner was a friend of his. By the time I reached the garage, I was vomiting and couldn’t move my left arm. I could barely stand up and my speech was slurred but I managed to get the mechanic to call my babysitter. Her husband rushed over and took me to the nearest hospital. At first I wasn’t going to go since I had no insurance and knew the hospital wasn’t going to be cheap but my babysitter’s husband made me go anyway. The hospital kept me for observation for about six hours before letting me go. I don’t remember anything else after that except that a few days later I woke up in my babysitter’s room with her holding a cup of water to my mouth. My head was pounding and all I wanted to do was vomit. My face felt numb and for some reason my motor skills were really shaky. My head kept shaking and I could barely talk. All I could think about was the RV getting towed so I tried to sit up but my babysitter pushed me back down and said her husband had talked to the owner of the garage so it was ok to be there until I got back on my feet.

The next day I made myself get up and walk around because I didn’t want to get my babysitter’s family in trouble with their apartment landlord’s who didn’t like me driving the Winnebago through the complex when I came to pick my kids up. Even though my babysitter and her husband wanted me to stay for awhile, I went back to the RV because I didn’t want to be an inconvenience to them. Needless to say I couldn’t work when I could barely walk or keep my head from shaking side to side. The hospital referred me to a local neurologist to find out why I got paralysis with a major migraine. It took me about 10 days or so to recover from whatever this was and I did that by sleeping in the RV at parks during the time my eldest was in school and my youngest was with the babysitter. Eventually I lost the temp job I had and once again found myself looking for work.

In the meantime, the RV needed gas to keep us moving since police harassment is an everyday concern when you live out of your vehicle. I went to local plasma centers to sell my blood for gas money.  About 8 months went by before I landed a part-time position at a local newspaper. I couldn’t afford daycare so working the graveyard shift was perfect. The newspaper plant was located in a rural area and had a well lit parking lot. I parked the RV where I could see it from the warehouse windows since my kids slept in the upper bunk while I worked. My shift ended early enough that I had time to get them breakfast and ready for school. Because my eldest was embarrassed to be in a motor home, I would drop her off around the block from her school so that she could walk in without any of her friends seeing her get out of a Winnebago every morning.

I spent the days scanning want ads for a full-time day job as it soon became apparent with the gas hikes that I would again need two jobs to survive. I took my toddler to the parks and hung out with her in public libraries when the weather wasn’t so great. When it was time for dinner, I asked my eldest how her day went and reassured her that everything would be alright and this is only a temporary situation for us. All the consoling I did couldn’t keep her from feeling angry and depressed. She asked why our relatives weren’t helping and how could the government let us live like this? Why wasn’t anybody helping us?

We met some interesting folks living out here and I was surprised to meet other families doing exactly what we were doing. At a Wal-Mart parking lot, we met a family that had come down from Alaska looking for work. They too were living out of motor home but smaller than ours. I was impressed since my Minnie was only 21 feet long, bumper to bumper. When my eldest daughter saw that she wasn’t the only kid living this way, she felt a little better but struggled with the fact that we had no permanency. We also met another single mother living out of class “A” motor home the size of a bus and she told me how she raised both her boys out of it. She was close to retirement and her youngest son at the time was about 19 years old. They worked every day the way I did and saved what they could but the last time I saw them, she was still living out of her motor home. It was through this community of folks living out of motor homes and their cars that I learned where I could park for the night and where the rest stops were that had dumping stations for free. Some camp grounds only charged $5.00 to dump the sewage tanks on RV’s plus I could refill my water tank. The “community” also looked out for us by telling me what places were dangerous to be in and which neighborhoods had a lot of police harassment going on. It didn’t take long to learn how to be “invisible”.

In October of 2006, I landed a full-time day job with another national financial services company and was able to find daycare through a co-worker I befriended at the newspaper job. To this day we call her “Cousin Pam” because she went out of her way to treat us like family. She helped me to get my kids enrolled in the school district next to her house since my kids would be there all day. She told me about sales at local thrift stores to help us with school clothes and she enrolled my kids in programs that helped with school supplies and summer time free lunch programs. If it hadn’t been for “Cousin Pam”, I have no idea how I would’ve worked the day job we so desperately needed. It was a good thing I had that day job because a few months after I got it, the newspaper went out of business. My day job paid twice as much but I still could not save any money. All I could do was maintain living out of the Winnebago since it needed regular maintenance and the gas alone was eating whatever I could’ve saved.

I had been at my day job for over a year when an old complaint returned with a vengeance. This time, the migraine attacks were becoming more frequent and the shakiness had returned. I had bouts of numbness on the left side of my body and didn’t understand why these symptoms were coming back. I took advantage of my employer paid health insurance and went to specialists to figure out what was wrong with me.  At first they thought I had the beginnings of
Meniere ’s disease but extensive testing ruled that out. It wasn’t until a year ago that my doctor figured out I had hemiplegic migraines. I had one big attack that left me in serious trouble. I had to go to physical therapy to be able to
walk a straight line without falling due to vertigo that just would not go away. It took eighteen months to recover and needless to say, I exhausted FMLA and lost my job. I even tried to reapply to the same company only to never hear
from them again.

I could’ve given up and ended my life. I could’ve sunk into despair and hopelessness. I could’ve turned to prostitution, drugs, alcohol or violence. But I didn’t and continue to refuse going down that path because that’s not the kind of example I want my kids to see. When everything seemed hopeless I did the only thing I knew how to do; write. I sat behind the steering wheel of the Winnebago and poured all my feelings and thoughts onto paper. To keep my oldest daughter from sinking into depression, I wrote a book to keep her mind occupied on something other than being homeless.

It was through writing to an editor from Change.org that I got connected with a man named Mark Horvath. Thanks to him I’ve had the opportunity to share my story with more people than I ever thought possible. I felt honored when he asked me to manage We Are Visible which is an online community that helps the homeless connect through social media on the internet. I am still connecting with other people, have been on radio programs, have seen my writings on more sites than I can count and I am always amazed at how one story can impact so many other people. I am still homeless. I am still fighting for a better life and doing what I can to help other single mother’s out there keep their hopes alive.

I am not that stereotypical “bum” on a sidewalk corner asking for spare change. I am not that drunk lying on filth in an open alleyway. I am not a “welfare queen”. I am not asking to be pitied or handed a lifestyle. I am not less of a human being because of homelessness.

I am still a mother.”

The interesting thing about this site is that so far, they’veposted many stories but conveniently have skipped over mine. In all honestly, it’s exactly what I expected. I don’t take it personally because this isn’t the first time my story has been “overlooked”. There were times I joined in online conversations designed for single mothers but whenever I commented about my situation, it was if the room suddenly went quiet.

I am after all…a little too real.

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Getting by….

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness | Uncategorized - (2 Comments)

I recently read an article about getting by on $200.00 a month in food stamps. The author of the article is not homeless and not on any kind of state assistance so for her, this was a “challenging” experiment. For the thousands of homeless families and individuals who know what it is to live on less with no apparent end in sight, this is not a casual experiment but a living nightmare yet policy makers continue to make cutbacks to programs that are needed more than ever. Why? In a country that touts being a wealthy developed nation, why is giving the wealthy tax breaks more important than feeding the masses?

From the article, the author goes on to say that this was indeed a learning experience. For one thing she couldn’t shop at places like Whole Foods or where she usually shops. Of course not! Those places are expensive and when living on a budget, you make as many concessions as you can! Visiting food banks is something many of us have to do even with food stamps. Let me ask the reader this, have you ever visited a food bank? If so, did you notice a lack of healthy options such as fresh fruits and vegetables? Did you see a lot of cheap foods like Ramen, macaroni & cheese, bread, canned foods? I have only seen two food banks in my area that offer fresh produce donated from a farm with
surplus and only when in season. Not to offend anyone but for those who assume that people on food stamps are all overweight due to laziness, think again!

Here’s another tidbit of info that goes hand in hand with the topic of the food stamp program. JP Morgan profits from the food stamp program: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zf8v7RYk6Y

Not only that, Chase charges more in fees to recipients of welfare more than they do regular customers:http://www.realchangenews.org/index.php/site/archives/5597/

From my own experience I can tell you that with careful budgeting, occasional visits to the food banks and growing my own veggies in a community pea patch all help towards managing starvation but even then, that doesn’t always work. If I find myself in a neighborhood that doesn’t have many options outside of expensive convenience stores and a lack of food banks in the area or the food bank shutting down due to lack of donations, I will skip meals so that my kids won’t have to. That’s the reality of dwindling programs due to budget cuts that aren’t directly affecting policy makers willing to slash budgets at the expense of those who need them the most.

So you want a challenging experience? Go out and deliberately live homeless for a minimum of two weeks so that you can see firsthand just how little you can get by on. I guarantee it will be a real eye opener…..

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Wow!

Posted by Carey Fuller in Uncategorized - (0 Comments)

Wow is all I can say to the generous folks who donated to help get to New York to attend the 140 Conference! I have to admit though that I am a little nervous as I’ve never been to a 140 before. True to my nature however, every new experience is an adventure to me so in many ways I am curious about the event more than anything. If someone had told me years ago that I would be a homeless blogger and advocate for the homelessness, I would’ve laughed in their faces. Yet here I am, getting ready to head to New York to attend the conference with Mark Horvath.

Never did it occur to me that the internet and social media could impact my life the way it has ever since I took a chance on writing a letter to Josie Raymond (a former editor with Change.org). I really did expect her to send my letter to the “oval file”. To my surprise she published that letter and even more surprising to me was the response that one letter generated. Not long after that some guy named Mark Horvath sent me an email with a copy of Josie’s email introducing him to me. Nothing in her letter indicated what it was I was supposed to do other than asking me if I ever heard of Mr. Horvath. Since I wasn’t sure what to do, I figured that if I just lay low and didn’t respond, he wouldn’t notice me. Hah! Boy was I wrong about that!

At first I was a little intimidated by Mark but after talking to him for awhile I realized he’s a real person like everyone else and he showed me how to set up a Twitter account and got me to join the We Are Visible community. He said to me “You know, once you do this, your life will never be the same.” That sentence has proven to be true. I had no idea how many people could be reached via social media. It is still a very surreal experience for me to Google my name and find how many different sites I’m on. The other thing is being able to reach out to people in different cities, states and countries which to me, keeps the experience human. I knew there were other folks going through the same situation as I was but I didn’t realize just how many were homeless until I started talking with them on Twitter, Facebook and my blog, careyfuller.com. I have also met a mix of non-homeless people, some who are sympathetic towards homeless and others who are completely misinformed. I find that social media is a very effective tool in educating the masses out of the commonly held stereotypes about homelessness and who the homeless are.

Now you may ask what it is I hope to get out of going to the 140 Conference and my answer is simple; I see the conference as an opportunity to learn all I can and maybe in return, others will learn that social media can be used to turn lives around. A big thank you to all the folks that chose to help me by donating to help me get my transmission fixed and for helping me get to New York!

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