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In Memoriam Of My Mother

December 30th, 2013 | Posted by Carey Fuller in Poetry | Uncategorized

Holding Mom's hand


Death does strange things to the minds of survivors sometimes. Every time I pass by my mother’s room, it feels like she’s still here and will walk in at any moment. Even when I sat by her bedside and watched her take her final breath, my brain thought I saw her still breathing while she slept even though I knew she was gone. Watching someone die from cancer has to be the most devastating experience to watch because I could not feel what she was feeling but I knew she was in pain and I knew she didn’t want to die, not yet.

On some level, we all know we won’t last forever but having a terminal illness shorten your lifespan is terrifying for the individual and heartbreaking for everyone who loves them. I suppose recovering from tragedy all depends on how well you can deal with adversity but there is no getting around feeling pain. Kinda puts things into a different perspective, doesn’t it? All the crap we hold onto in life doesn’t mean a thing in the end so it seems to me the only reasonable thing to do while you’re still alive is to get rid of petty grievances and habits that do not add to the quality of the life you’re living or to the betterment of society overall.

Spend more time with loved ones while you can still enjoy each other’s company because once they’re gone, there’s no going back. My mother was always an active person who cared deeply about her family, friends and the environment. She loved nature, animals, outdoor activities, going to the movies, card stamping and hanging out with her friends but was no stranger to hard work. I remember her telling me what it was like as a kid to go work on my great grandmother’s farm and how she hated having to work at the cannery my great grandfather ran when she was 14. She made me laugh because she said that it stunk so bad of fish that the only way she could stand it was to lean over and sniff the woman sitting next to her who always wore heavy perfume. When she was old enough to wait tables, she took jobs as a waitress and spent the last 22 years working for Boeing as a wire tech. It was her hope to retire next year.

Mom was born on January 13, 1944, the second child out of 12 so in many ways she was also a second mother to her brothers and sisters. My mother is survived by her husband Ken (but we call him Duane) and her 4 adult children; myself, Michelle, Dana and Ciara. She has 8 grandchildren; Audrey, Maeanna, Kailey, Vanessa, Ariella, Magdalena, Isabella and Marianna. She also has 2 great grandsons; Aiden and William.

My mother asked me to promise her that I would stay by her side as she passed and to make sure it was painless. I gave her my word and I kept it.

I gave you my word

You asked me to be strong for you

To stay by you

As you walked toward that other side

I gave you my word

And I kept it


We said what we needed to say

To make peace with the past because

It was the only way to make room

For the short lived future

You had


I knew you weren’t ready

But you accepted what was coming

And asked me to make sure that your passing

Was painless


You told me to have faith

That everything would be alright

I just didn’t want you to suffer

Another night


And when the light

Faded from your eyes

I held your hand and whispered

I gave you my word

And I kept it

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One Response

  • Kathleen Boynton says:

    That was so absoulutley beautiful. You are trully wise beyond your years and are a strong woman. Do not be afraid to lean on others right now as sometimes the burden will weigh you down greatly and friends can carry that load for you until your ready to take it back.


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