Anxieties, worries, stresses, strain, unknown futures calling me
Nothing guaranteed, knowing that I won’t be free
Silent tears, hidden pain, when a new day will I see?
I saw my reflection the other day, past a window on display but….
The woman I saw, who looked like me, couldn’t remember what she used to be
Thinking back to childhood days, soft green grass and summer days, I never thought
I’d see a different reality, a different me
Blue, green, yellow, black, wish I could get my life back, but wishing on a star
That’s just fantasy. I’ve got to find a way back to me. I once met a girl, she was nineteen
She sat nearby, watching me. Somehow she guessed, somehow knew, guess she’s seen a few
“Be careful,” she said quietly, “you’ll lose your mind out here.” I watched her then, sitting there
Wondering how long she wandered through nowhere.
Sun gone down, the night is black, looking up I see its tracks
The Great Bear, it shines the way, sometimes the only one who hears me pray
No matter what I do or what I say, how come things are still this way?
I think about the people who, when asked to help, didn’t come through.
Excuses plenty, yes I’ve heard every, and even though with that mindset
They should know I won’t forget
I’ve learned a lot on the way, when to run and where to stay and stranger still
I can’t give up, never will. Eyes are watching, young and new, watching everything I do
When you see me walk on by, when I see you I won’t cry. You had your chance and you failed
Now I have a story to tell. Won’t be fun, not what you want to hear
Won’t be about people you have near. So while at home, snug in bed
Knowing you have nothing to dread, someone on the street,
dies tonight in their sleep.
“If they can’t feed their kids don’t breed them!” “It’s their fault they’re there”
“I don’t feel sorry for addicts and drunks” “Don’t give them money, they’ll just buy junk”
“I’m not paying for their welfare” “Not my problem so I don’t care”
This is the message society gives, this is the attitude they want to live
I find such attitudes to be odd, when did they become God? Christian charity, hah, not likely!
Conversion before giving to help the living, Forcing beliefs or no relief, they have forgotten!
One man came, one man said, “Give us now our daily bread”. There was no inclusion
No list of exclusions, apathy and indifference feeds the delusion
My mind is set, the goal is clear. With perseverance a new day is near
The system is broken, has been awhile. Sold our children down the Nile
Inadequacies are built-in addictions, that’s why you see so much affliction
It’s up to us, call it Intuit, stop the excuses, just do it!
This isn’t what we’re supposed to be, a society made up of angst “I” at ease.
Even though my thoughts today have been preoccupied with figuring out how I’m going to pay for my storage rent, car tabs and school stuff for the kids this month, there is something else that comes to my mind every October. It is the memory of two native girls I saw every night while working the graveyard shift at a local convenience store. People saw them and would remark how somebody ought to do something about the life they were living. I contacted state agencies and got nowhere with them. I can’t help but think about how they would still be here today if the members of the community would’ve directly intervened on those girls’ behalf by bringing food and clothes to them so that they didn’t feel like their only hope was to try to be like their aunt who was a prostitute addicted to heroin. I gave the kids sandwiches and tried to get them more help but it was too late. This poem is for them:
This is the month of holiday ghosts, of goblins and ghouls, of pumpkin seeds roast.
Their names long forgotten, but not their memory, two innocent lives I miss the most
I was strict, but wanted them to play, lost childhood I saw everyday
Where did you go, I wandered, I asked, nowhere and none too fast
Bad company came calling today, bad company came and took you away
Eleven and twelve, so young and pure, in shallow graves found you were
I tried, I cried but no one cared, simple compassion was all that you dared
That aunt of yours, I blame her I do, her addiction they said, made her a fool
Following her footsteps, you two did take and now from slumber you’ll never wake
Childlike voices, childhood prayers, all you needed was someone to care
I hear your names upon the wind and wonder if you’ll forgive our sin
We failed to save you, to bring you in and now I’m left with suffering
The swings in the playground move with the breeze, I hope the gods of mercy see
Your memory, innocence lost, still comes to haunt me