An unexpected blessing

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (2 Comments)

Jeremy of Hinshaw's Honda of Auburn

 

This past Monday I had plans to do as much as I could in one of my garden plots  but the day had plans of its own! I had dropped Maggie off at school and was heading to Kent to meet a Facebook friend at Kona Kai’s coffee shop but just before I got there, the van’s engine light started to flash off and on. Soon after, it was rattling so I continued to a parking spot just outside of the coffee shop and popped the hood so that I could check the oil. It was a little low but I dreaded that oil wasn’t the problem. Not more than 2 weeks ago, I had just taken the van in to have it checked out because the engine light had come on but it wasn’t flashing. The mechanic had cleaned up some oil he had found splashed on a spark plug and replaced it. After he worked on the van that day, the engine light went off but I was advised that if that light came back on, I would need to take it to a dealership to have it checked again as it could mean a more serious problem was on the way.

After my meeting at Kona Kai’s, I decided to head towards Auburn to the Hinshaw’s Honda dealership even though I had no money to even do a diagnostic but I knew I had to get the van off the road because it was too risky to keep driving around with a flashing engine light. I parked outside the dealership’s building and just sat there wondering what and where Maggie and I were going to go if we lost our only shelter and transportation. Unless I had the money to fix the van, it would have to be parked somewhere until I did and there was no guarantee of how long it would take to earn enough money to pay for expensive repairs let alone get enough donations to help pay for everything! On top of that, the dread of getting a ticket for parking too long in the wrong place or getting the van towed was starting to kick in. While I was in the middle of thinking about all this, I saw this brother walk by with a sheet of paper in his hands but he stopped in his tracks and looked over at me. I had the door open so he asked if I needed help. I said “Oh, I’m just here to see about getting a diagnostic on what’s wrong with this van but am stressed about being stranded.” He said his name is Jeremy but if it looked as though I were to be stranded, to come find him inside the dealership and he would help me out. I nodded and Jeremy went his merry way back inside the building.

Well, doing what I do, I got on Twitter and Facebook and started talking about the van’s flashing engine light and my anxiety over what would happen next because in all honesty, I had no idea! I was planning in my head the steps I would have to take to find a safe place to be that night should worse come to worse. In about an hour and a half, enough donations had come in to pay for a diagnostic so I drove the car up to the dealership’s intake doors and walked in. I told the folks at the front desk what I suspected was happening from the last time I had to bring the van in to a mechanic and they quoted me a lower diagnostic fee than the first time I had come in. I gave them the keys to van then went and sat in a quiet corner of the lobby at a small desk that was conveniently located near an outlet so I used it to charge my phone. After an hour then 2 hours went by, I could feel a migraine coming on and I knew if they hadn’t come out after 30 minutes, something was really wrong and it was gonna be expensive to fix. I hadn’t eaten that day but I had no appetite and I was getting nauseous. That’s when Jeremy walked past me but this time he turned and sat in the chair in front of me. I knew I looked pretty haggard and that’s probably why he asked what was going on with the van.

Up until he asked that, I was holding it together but I started to cry as I talked telling him that the van was my only transportation and shelter and if we lost that, I had no idea where we were going to go or do. I had absolutely no money to fix anything! Jeremy smiled then gently asked me how many kids I had and if I was the owner of the van. I said I own the van outright and I don’t owe anything on it because it was donated to me. Jeremy kept telling me not to worry and that he was one of the managers there but he would do everything he could to help me. He had something to do but he would be right back. I just sat there staring at the wall going over and over in my head about what I had to do if it turns out nothing could be done. True to his word, Jeremy came back and asked a few questions about the van then told me he was going into the shop to see if the mechanics in there had a verdict. He then looked from side to side to see if any of his co-workers were nearby (which they weren’t) then said in a low tone, “Sis, listen, don’t worry, ok? I will help you. See, I knew there must’ve been a reason I kept getting this feeling to ask you how you were and I’m glad I did. I know what it’s like, when I lost my job a few years ago and was in school, I had to live out of my car so please, don’t worry. I promise I will do what I can to help you out. If I can get you into a new car with no money out of your pocket, would that be something you’d be interested in?” Well yeah! I didn’t have any other options! “Ok”, said Jeremy, “let me see what they say is going on with your van.”

Jeremy disappeared for a few minutes and while he was gone, I went into the women’s restroom to splash my face and let out a few sobs. Once I felt like I had regained my composure I went back to where I was sitting and sat down to wait some more. Jeremy finally came back and said it was going to be a bit longer as the mechanics were trying to figure out what was wrong with the Odyssey’s electrical system and a coil on the 6th cylinder but the bad news is that replacing those coils were expensive but they did go ahead and wash the van for me. This was definitely not the news I wanted to hear but had a feeling something big was going out on the van even though it only had 48,000 miles on it. Jeremy then said, “Come on and hang out with me for awhile, I want to show you something.” I followed Jeremy out into the lot where some new cars were and he let me drive around in one of them. Personally, I think he was just trying to lift my spirits to distract me from having a panic attack and it worked! I wasn’t expecting to get a brand new car in exchange for the van but I needed something and I needed it fast!

When we got back to the office, Jeremy asked if I needed anything or wanted a refreshment from the coffee stand. I told him I had had enough caffeine but I did grab a couple of cookies mumbling that I hadn’t eaten yet that day. While Jeremy went to his office, I sat back down to recharge my phone and after another hour had went by, the service desk guy I gave my keys to came over and told me what they thought was going on with the van. Jeremy overheard the conversation then sat down in the same seat as before. “Ok sis, we gotta get you into a better vehicle so that you don’t have to worry about paying money that you don’t have on expensive repairs and I don’t like the idea of you and your kids being stranded on the side of a road somewhere for days at a time. Let me get some more info on your van and I’ll be right back.”

I called my teen to get her little sister from school as I wasn’t going to make it to pick her up on time. Jeremy came back with a handful of car keys and motioned for me to follow him out a different door of the building to walk across the street. He showed me a Kia and a Scion and talked to me about the cars but my attention kept going to the Scion with only 23,000 miles on it that came with a warranty. I told him I’d be interested in trading for that one because the tires were brand spanking new, it was a 2010 that looked like it had just come off the assembly line! We went back into the front office only this time I sat in the other lobby and waited. Jeremy introduced me to Ron Heath and said they would be buying me something to eat while they got the Scion’s paperwork ready and filled with gas. Ron brought me some food from Taco Time and Jeremy gave me some fruit they had in their break room.

The Scion

Ron sat with me for a little while and even helped move my stuff that was in the van over to the Scion. Dang it! Just occurred to me I should’ve gotten a picture of Ron! Anyway, both Ron and Jeremy were excellent at customer service in my opinion and through the whole process, they never talked down to me in fact they were more supportive than anything else. If I could give them an award, I would! While I was sitting in the lobby, I had a chance to watch all the other staffers there and not once did I see any of them act less than professional and that tells a customer a lot! I’ve been in customer service for over 20 years and I have never seen such dedicated staff at a dealership in my life!

Now to some, dealerships are just shark tanks waiting to tank advantage of anybody who walks through the front doors and granted, there are some out there that do that but……I have to weigh my options because out here, there isn’t much wiggle room when you’re homeless. I could either keep the van and risk breaking down somewhere really inconvenient and fret about repairs I simply do not have the money to pay for or I can trade straight across for a newer car with better gas mileage and longevity. For me and my situation, trading a 2009 Honda Odyssey for a 2010 Toyota Scion was not just a better choice but a matter of meeting immediate survival needs. If I hadn’t of made the trade, I never would’ve made it to the caregiving job scheduled that night and the next day which was an opportunity to earn badly needed money!

Even as I’m writing this, I keep wondering what would’ve happened to us if Jeremy hadn’t stopped to see how I was doing. I keep wondering if me and Maggie would be sleeping on the bus right now.  Jeremy and Ron went above and beyond their job descriptions and I hope the powers that be recognize the gems they have in these two guys. I do!

Thank you Jeremy, Ron and Hinshaw’s Honda of Auburn, Washington!

 

 

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Helping others to help others

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (0 Comments)

Been awhile since I posted but that’s because there’s always more to do than there are hours in a day! It’s that time of year again to go back to tending my micro urban farms to help those who cannot find enough help to make ends meet but before that, I’ve been doing what I’ve been doing and that’s helping homeless to survive another winter. It’s always refreshing though, to run into other individuals doing what they can to help their communities be a better place for everyone regardless of what other people think. That’s why I tell people to grow a tough hide out here because the more you start making an impact, the more static you’ll get from the status quo!

Just to give you an example of what a typical day is like out here, I’ll share with you how this morning went. First call of the morning came from my very first homeless volunteer, Betty. She found Jay, a local disabled homeless man in a wheelchair, sitting outside of a Valley Cities Mental Health services office without his wheelchair. Turns out it broke down and a church had given him two walking canes to get by on but using them is a big strain on Jay. Betty went to a local senior center before Valley Cities opened to see if she could find a spare wheelchair he could sit in for awhile but she didn’t stop there. She got on the phone and called Jay’s caseworker from Health Pointe and they were on their way with a new chair for Jay. This isn’t the first time Betty’s sharp eyes have caught other people in need when no one was around to help. That’s another fact of life out here. Often, it’s other homeless people that come to the rescue because there isn’t much outreach going on in Kent unless it’s to recruit you into somebody’s church services or….a drug dealer looking for a new customer and for the youth, it’s usually recruiters from local gangs.

Betty has let me know of pregnant women and families with small children living out of their cars or sleeping at parks simply because she’s like me and does her daily walks to check and see where people are and how they’re doing. Nobody is paying her to do this and I don’t get paid either. Sometimes Betty doesn’t feel well but that doesn’t keep her down and if I can help her with rides (when I have gas!), bus fare or help with groceries, it just makes her life a little easier and provides her the support she can’t find anywhere else.

I happened to be in Auburn this morning doing one load of laundry (that’s all I could afford) before the library opened but once it was finished, I drove around the block to check on the older car dwellers to see how they made it through the night. Sure enough I found another gal I met at another park a few months ago, doing her own community outreach to the “campers” needing food. I asked her how the good fight goes in Auburn and discovered that she had been helping a family with small children to stay at a motel for a month because after all the running around they did with local service groups, they couldn’t get help fast enough to find shelter in the cold windy rain we’ve been having. Even though her finances were already strained to the limit, that didn’t stop her from helping others who have it worse than she does. That’s what outsiders often do not understand. For the folks who are out here or have been out here, the sense of urgency is acute. If we don’t act as soon as possible, somebody will die out here. Now this gal needs help making up the rest of her rent and I’m hoping folks who are reading this will make a donation to help her out IF they are able to.

Come hell or high water, for those of us who know what the reality is out here, we often have to make personal sacrifices because there are no options we can conveniently wait around for. When people are desperate, they will do desperate things to survive even if it’s negative so I don’t judge people for that. I do however,  take issue with folks who do nothing to alleviate poverty when they have the power to do so but don’t. This isn’t about enabling people others are quick to judge, it’s about providing our own support system to keep from spiraling further and further into hopelessness. People trying to help themselves will get burnt out sooner or later chasing around dubious services but they keep looking for them anyway. Problem is, it’s taking too much time to get help and that’s why I do what I do. I see the reality every day because I’m still living it myself!!

To those who take up advocacy, I give you these words of advice. Don’t worry about the negativity of other people who aren’t doing what you’re willing to do. There’s no one way to help people and it’s a learning process to find out who is worth your trust but if you don’t give up, the right people will come into your life at the right time. The trick is not to let yourself get distracted by other people that don’t share your vision. I would also say to do your best to take care of your needs by not cutting too deeply into your own resources but I do understand that in some cases, it’s damn near impossible not to. We already know we’re on our own since there’s a never ending onslaught of budget cuts to state and federal programs. We already know people are afraid to step out of the safety of their own comfort zones to care about anybody else. We also know that people are quick to judge instead of actually doing anything but we also know we can’t quit. We may never know the impact we make on other people’s lives but I’d rather do what I can when I can than regret it later.

Just know that your efforts, no matter how big or small, made the world a better place for the people you chose to help.

Thank you for all that you do and thank you for taking the time to read this!

 

 

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A nice letter to the cowards who hide behind fake id’s on the internet

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (3 Comments)

Internet trolls come and go but they all share the same habits. They have nothing better to do with themselves but make accusations they can’t prove thinking they actually have something to prove. Sadly, they spend inordinate amounts of time worrying about what everybody else is doing instead of minding their own business and oh I don’t know, investing in their own personal growth. The best way to deal with internet trolls is to ignore them. Hiding behind fake id’s is the hallmark of cowards so why waste your energy on people who open their mouths but have closed minds?

I’m out in the open about what I do and don’t feel it necessary to waste my time on people who don’t have the balls to be out in the open about who they are. Unless you got proof of anybody actually committing fraud, you’re basically a useless bag of air. I don’t get money from the state and everything I actually make does get reported. I’m an accounting major and have worked in financial services for years. Oh and another thing, url’s can be tracked to their location even if you’re using a fake id, something not too bright people don’t seem to get.

So, if you find yourself pestered by trolls, don’t get too worked up about the dribble that comes out of their mouths. If somebody commits slander against you, sue them. Otherwise, they’re just static noise in the background nobody cares about anyway.

Verifying homeless people not making it with more bureaucracy

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (0 Comments)

Dshs verification form

 

 

I just came back from a visit with the local DSHS office for a review because they mailed a review notice I never got in time to prevent medical and foodstamps from expiring at the end of December. I sat in the waiting area making small talk with the filled room for about an hour when my name got called. I followed the caseworker to his desk where he quickly went through screens filling in the blanks with answers I gave him to all the questions I was being asked. Pretty much everything is the same …except for the fact I got a $200 a month income from maintaining a production company’s online presence via social media. I don’t have any written contract with the guy or anything so the caseworker suspended my food stamps until I can get a letter from the owner of the company stating I get paid a set amount once a month. In addition, the caseworker wants me to write out a letter stating how I’m surviving homelessness even after he clearly saw that I haven’t gotten a child support check in three months now so I asked “You want me to come back with a letter stating how I’m not making it instead of me telling you while I’m here?” The guy said yes and that was the end of the “review”. I did get medical reinstated and as if he thought this would make me feel better he said “Oh don’t worry, once you get that verification back to us, we’ll reinstate your food stamps back to the beginning of January.” Here’s the problem. What do I do about today?

I took the time while at this “review” to ask the caseworker about me being told by another caseworker from Childcare Assistance mind you, that I was told that I couldn’t get help with daycare because the job I was applying for that wanted to hire me was minimum wage. He adamantly told me that whoever told me that was not telling me the truth and it couldn’t have been through DSHS. Fact is I said, it was and that’s why I recorded the phone call and put it on YouTube. Not on that I said, I tried to work for another company but they only paid once a month and since you guys take three weeks to get anything done, what daycare is willing to wait a month to get paid? The caseworker couldn’t comment on my question but I could tell he cared it’s just that he was frustrated with the way things are just as much as I am.

So, here I am at the public library pondering on the fact that I have about a quarter tank of gas, $2.00 in my bank account, about $2.00 in my PayPal account and no idea if and when we’ll see child support again. I blog about my day to day “adventures” to show people reality and to my amusement, a wanna-be troll made a comment about making thousands of dollars off of their erroneous assumptions that just because a homeless person has a blog and an old laptop, they must be a scam. Ha ha ha ha ha haaaa! Ignorance rears it’s ugly head once again! Trolls come and go and it’s usually cowards hiding behind an online account so I don’t waste too much time on them.

In the meantime, the real-time reality for me is that 1, I’ve got to find a safe place to be with minimal travel to conserve what gas I have. 2, hopefully, there’s a feed nearby we can get to without having to burn up a lot of gas. 3, I can get this verification form or a letter from the owner of the company I do social media for to fill it out asap! If I can’t, well then, we’re pretty much screwed and that’s the way it is for too many people in this country that can’t get immediate help!

Oh and one more thing, if anybody with half a brain knew how to read, they’d notice that my donate button on this site usually is to fundraise to buy other homeless people things to make survival a little more bearable, things like handwarmers, $5 fast food cards, socks, sleeping bags, tents, etc. but due to the economy, folks who donate can only contribute to these things a few bucks at a time if and when they’re able.

Stay tuned folks…I’m sure this adventure in survival I’m having is about to experience more twists and turns in the coming days…..

 

Everything costs more when you’re poor

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (0 Comments)

Somebody recently accused me of doing what I do just for attention and you know what? They’re absolutely right! I want to bring as much attention as possible to the reality of homelessness because that’s the only way to get rid of ignorance!

For those of you who don’t know, once you fall through the cracks and find yourself living out of a car, you will quickly discover just how much everyday things begin to eat away at your income.  For instance, once you are degraded down to homelessness, you will spend more of whatever income you might still possess on gas and maintenance to make your only source of transportation and shelter last longer. If you don’t have friends who will let you come over to take a shower or do laundry, you will have to pay to access a laundromat, a hotel or showers at a public pool and there is no way around that unless you live in a rural area but even then, you gotta pay for gas to go somewhere to set up a camp shower.

If you’re a family living out of a car, then most of your income will probably be spent on childcare if both parents are working, not to mention healthcare costs, food and anything else your family needs on a daily basis. It’s worse if you are a single parent paying for everything yourself even while working two jobs, something I can more than speak about from experience.  If there is one thing I’ve learned about being homeless, it’s that you can’t rely on false hope or have the expectation others will help you. You might get lucky here and there but the reality is…you’re on your own and you better hope your health stays intact the longer you’re stuck out here.

For all the studies so-called experts write, I find it curious that not one of them actually tracks how the poor survive on a daily basis and I’m not talking about via prostitution, drugs or violent crimes since you don’t have to be homeless to engage in those activities. Maybe that’s why so many policies fail. How do you even pretend to know how to end poverty when everyone’s situation is different? Also, the face of poverty is not the same as it used to be. People’s lives aren’t as simple as a printout of numbers on a report based off of somebody else’s statistics.

Maslow’s observations on the hierarchy of needs are very true when it comes to poverty. A person simply cannot focus on anything outside of immediate survival when most of their time is spent in trying to acquire basic necessities. Housing isn’t free and subsidized housing is becoming a pipe dream. Everybody likes to believe that education is the great equalizer but in reality it isn’t anymore. Think about it. In order to qualify for higher earning careers, a student must take on heavy debt to pay for an education (something grants can’t pay for on their own anymore since many colleges deliberately raise their costs making it almost impossible to go to college without taking on a loan). If and when a higher income is found in today’s economy, those paychecks will get eaten up paying back student loans in addition to the rising costs of living. In view of reality, how can we keep telling our young people to chase their dreams of a higher education that may or not be worth anything in the future?

For many, income will never be the same as wealth and the working poor already know this. You can have an income but what good is it if you still can’t pay for housing, healthcare, food, utilities, etc.? Everybody knows that the only thing that helps people help themselves is resources. You need resources for housing, education, healthcare, food and the list goes on. What we don’t need is endless vague waiting lists to be put on another waiting list. We also don’t need judgment that gets in the way of actually helping people. The ugly truth in America is that this country could end homelessness if it really wanted to. The problem is that ending poverty isn’t that much of a priority in this country. Maybe that’s because people don’t want to see an ugly reality that has always been there. I think it’s called being in denial.

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Are still echoing

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness | Poetry - (0 Comments)

This is the month I found out what happened to them.
Sammie Jo and her sister Carmen, two homeless native girls I tried my damnedest to help. The man who murdrered them deserves the death penalty but time will tell if that ever happens.

If you wonder why I do what I do with homeless youth, well this it:

http://www.idahostatesman.com/2013/01/04/2401358/child-killer-joseph-duncans-competency.html

Every year I write about how their memory has affected me. This year’s poem is called “Are still echoing”

The haunting has begun
Tears run through my fingers
The way their raven tresses did

Footsteps of the missing
Are still echoing
In those hollow spaces
Filling up my mind

Through the other side
Of a store front’s window
They used to wave at me
Waiting for my shift to end

I’d get them something to eat
Even though
Those closest to me
Refused to get involved

Round and round I went
Looking for resources spent
On never enough
I guess other people’s children
Don’t mean as much

And every drum at the powwows
Is another heart beat dancing
Wanting to be remembered as anything other than
Homeless

How can we say we’re about unity
When everyday our children see
We’re not

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The things people say

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (0 Comments)

“She’s so smart and talented, I can’t believe she’s homeless.”

“Wow, how do you do all the stuff you do?”

“How come you’ve been homeless for so long?”

Sound familiar? Most of the time when I hear comments like these, I don’t take them personally because when people let things like this out of their mouths it lets me know that they are under the mistaken impression that homeless people are somehow less than other people. That’s the result of being out of touch with the reality of lack of resources they think exist. The problem with that perception is that most people also vote on perceptions that are probably just as mistaken so it’s no surprise to me when I look at who it is that votes to strip social services, access to mental health services and quality of life ordinances to keep homeless people out of sight even though the obvious reasons they sleep on park benches, under bridges and in cars in parking lots is because they have nowhere else to go.

Then there are those whose judgmental attitudes are confused with apathy. Everyone is one incident away from homelessness and the truth is, the so-called war on homelessness isn’t winning. Most efforts only make about a 10% difference when you take into consideration the rising costs of living, not enough affordable housing or transitional housing programs to go around and the fact that living wage jobs are becoming more and more discriminatory on who gets hired and when. There’s help available to get out of homelessness IF you have resources!!

For many of the families I see out here, there are several factors that led to being homeless and not all are related to mental health, crime or addiction. Many got caught in the foreclosure crisis, job loss or terminal illness that ate up all their life savings. I see a lot of moms with kids who are hanging my a thread trying to keep a job or two, to pay for ridiculously expensive childcare and gas if they live out of their cars. For those of you who don’t know, having to pay $400 a month for one child, part-time, can keep a family homeless because there is no way to save anything when your outgoing costs are more than your income. State assistance with childcare DEPENDS on whether or not you make minimum wage because if you do, guess what? You don’t qualify for childcare assistance as there are income guidelines and like every program I’ve checked out you must “qualify” for help. If you don’t, you’re just plain ol’ stuck!

Friends and family may not be able to help or…..may not want to as some see helping poor relatives as a burden or “intrusion” on their lives. I see this type of situation with most of the homeless youth I know. Many times I have sat in the library and in parks observing what police officers say to homeless youth and homeless adults for that matter and I’ve come to the conclusion that some officers seem to forget their personal opinions and lack of education on homelessness is not part of their job but then, when you have an entire city out of touch with homeless reality like the city of Kent is, it’s no surprise their police department behaves the way it does. It was that kind of behavior that brought me to Kent to start an advocacy with community leaders like the Reverend Jimmie James.

People only see snapshots of my life and others like me through social media but they have no idea what goes on hour by hour, day by day. For example, I’m about to lose what little I own sitting in a storage unit because I haven’t had the funds to pay this month’s rent on it. One of the reasons for that is because child support has gone missing for a few months. If one source of income disappears, it causes a chain reaction into everything else I’m trying to keep afloat. Now the van needs to be taken in for servicing and since I can’t really afford to right now, that means I’m somewhat grounded. The further I get behind in bills, the more I owe until it becomes a hole too big to get out of. Then there’s the constant dread of knowing that one of these days, these visits to the emergency room are gonna end in a really bad hemiplegic episode that I may never recover from. THAT’S the reality of homelessness these days and why it takes people longer than ever to get out of it. It isn’t always because they aren’t trying to as some would assume and telling people the facts of what’s going on isn’t “whining” as I’ve heard some people claim. Those people are often the very same people who think you can pull yourself up on a shoestring that doesn’t and hasn’t existed for years.

Having said all of the above, does that make me hopeless? No. It just means I have to be realistic about what options I have to live with. Unfortunately, that means I can’t go hanging out with people the way they’d like because I’m simply too busy trying to create my own options and many don’t understand how long that actually takes. To those of you who are homeless, try not to take what people say to you too seriously. You already know what the reality is and you also know whether or not you’re making your life harder than it needs to be, especially if you’re feeding addictions or making bad decisions that’ll land you in jail but then again, desperate people who are tired of the runaround when they try to get help will do desperate things so I have to wonder what’s worse…..The people who do things out of desperation because they don’t have resources to live….or the people who make things harder than they need to be by eliminating resources for the needy?

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The parking lot

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness | Poetry - (0 Comments)

It’s the day after Christmas and
I’m sitting in a distant corner
Of the parking lot

I see people to and fro
Exchanging this and that
For whatever it is they think
They should have got

Bits and pieces of trash
Litter the ever present asphalt
And as the rain slicks the pavement grey
I see
A woman with small children in a car
They look alot like me

I remember her
From a present not so past
Fugitives taking refuge
Wherever there’s a rest stop

I watched her as she sat
Wide awake in the front seat
Waiting for the tears of her children
To subside as they fell asleep
Behind her

She’s afraid to talk to me
But that’s okay you see
I already know what it’s like
To go through the shock phase
And it’s an ugly place to be

So I gave her a smile
Nodding my head
I want her to know that
Despite all the dread
And fear of not knowing
Where you’ll be tomorrow
There’s a friend sitting in a car
Not far from hers
It’s just that right now
She doesn’t know it

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It’s that time of year again…..

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (1 Comments)
Easy rib turquoise stripe hat

 

 

It’s that time of year again where people give thanks for what they have, then go out and stand in long lines to buy more stuff to add to what they already have! I suppose many will argue there’s nothing wrong with that but for me and what I do, “Black Friday” feeds a frenzy I really want nothing to do with. With our economy still not where it needs to be and homelessness still on the rise, seems to me our money and energies could be better spent elsewhere. In some ways, homelessness has opened my eyes to what I used to be and I learned that there really is a whole lot we are taught to think we need when in reality, we don’t.

I decided that experiences last and mean more than some product made in China or in some sweatshop factory. My kids enjoyed taking bus rides to downtown Seattle to walk around and enjoy the sights for free. We made gifts to each other and put a dollar limit on what we could spend because the whole point about the giving season is to give a part of yourself, something I think our society is rapidly losing.

That being said, I think this year’s season will be an odd one. For one thing, it kicked off with the death of a fellow advocate named Tricia Patricelli. The day after most people celebrate Thanksgiving is when her funeral is scheduled and I’m thinking for her family and the kids she leaves behind, this is a bad start to future holidays. Still, I will remember her for the good heart and soul she strived to be every day.

A recent development in my day to day story is a guy I met via Twitter named Andy Johnson. Andy is the owner of Homeless Beanies and he’s from Kent, Washington!! I asked Andy how he found me and it was through Mark Horvath. Thanks Mark! I got to meet Andy and listened to him talk about his Homeless Beanies business and why he chose to help the homeless in his own way. I have to say I’m impressed. So impressed I started designing hats to be sold on his website which will be featured soon!

I’ve been holding hat auctions on my Facebook page too to raise funds for things I give to homeless during this time of year. Things like handwarmers, tarps, tents and sleeping bags. I’d like to give them permanent housing but for now that is out of my reach so ….I’ll keep helping the best way I can! Maybe a hat doesn’t seem like much but out here, it keeps the wind out of your face and keeps your head warm.

In a way, each handmade hat I make is giving away a part of myself.

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A day of reflection

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (2 Comments)

Today seems like a day of reflection to me and strange parallels with other people’s experiences. Sometimes you gotta let go of the old to embrace the new even though you may not know exactly what that new is going to be. I write this way sometimes because too many people only see a snapshot and erroneously assume that’s how everything is out here. That’s the problem with human thinking, assuming what we don’t know to fill in all the voids of everything we don’t!

With the tragic death of fellow advocate Tricia Patricelli, I am even more acutely aware of just how fragile and sudden life begins and ends. Looking for missing relatives on Staten Island in the wake of hurricane Sandy is another stress factor that lends itself well to sleepless nights filled with nightmares, something homeless people are already living in on a daily basis.

All it takes is one incident to change how you see things and once that line is crossed, you’ll never be the same again. I witness small miracles everyday, some online and some right before me as I walk down the street. As I write this, someone is talking to me on Twitter, a kind volunteer whose Twitter handle is @Honeybee22274. She has taken it upon herself to help look for two relatives of mine, Chris and Mike Tacardon. Last I heard was that they were living on Staten Island and since the hurricane, relatives over here in Seattle haven’t heard from them. What makes an individual go out of their way to help their fellow man/woman/child? What is that spark inside of people that makes them put aside whatever perceived differences there are between us in order to make a stand against apathy? To me, most humans are self interested so behaving outside of that basic tendency is in itself, a thing of wonder.

We all want to believe that somehow, we are all advanced beings capable of so much more yet when you look at the news and watch people in or on the streets every day, the opposite is true. Why do we need some kind of disaster to spur us into compassion for each other? What will it take for us to put away the excuses we tell ourselves everyday and actually do what we already know we should be?

For Tricia, those worries are over but for her family, heartache has begun. It is for her that I wrote the poem that follows…..

 

Place of peace

 

Today

The sky lit a smudge for you

In misty clouds of grey

I stood beneath them and

Let their tears wash mine away

And even though I

Walk among many

They aren’t saying much

So I listen to the echoes

I keep telling myself because

Some times

They’re all I have left

But

Tomorrow breathes a promise

I intend to give to you

It is a place of peace

Resting deep inside of me

 

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