The biggest realization for me

Has always been

The concept of time

Because it is friend and enemy

Depending on which way

Life decides to run

 

And no matter what words you craft

To describe

How you use yours or how I share mine

None of us can escape

That inevitable race

That is either to or from

Some imaginary place

We think we need to get to

 

I am not a rock since rocks cannot feel

The invisible war raging

Inside of me

But in spite of all this

I have come to see

Eventually

We must grow to let go

Of people, places or things

Getting in the way

Of our being what we need to be

 

But from what I’ve seen

Unfortunately

That is a lesson too many

Learn too late

And I can’t help but wonder which

Is the greater tragedy

Living in the past while

Waiting for the future

Or

Being afraid of what it means

To love who you have in your life

Today

White Eagle corn in my hand

White Eagle corn in my hand

Been busy working in the gardens lately as I’m pretty much in charge of 6 plots. In addition to growing food for those who can’t afford to, I also grow indigenous plants to save them from extinction or exploitation. I got in the mail the other day, some seeds I had been wanting because they were the kind my grandmother’s grew and holding them in my hands inspired another poem because when you hold in your hands a reflection of your people’s history, you have a responsibility to protect it.

 

These seeds

See them in my hand?

They look like little bits of sand

Because in the eyes of industrialized

Seeds of life don’t mean much

But these grains in my hand have travelled through time

Connecting me to my father’s passed

And I know my grandmothers don’t want me to forget

The DNA in my hands

 

Álenidohá, gágeyui, anadanehá

tsunigayálige iyulistaná atsásdá alenidohá

sgiwadáhilái owenásá

Life, love, giving

Ancestor’s light living

Calling me home

A people’s history wrapped

In a tiny package that

Keeps my connection to the past

Strong

It’s easy to get caught up in the banality of everyday living, something I don’t recommend doing. Since I can only speak from where I’ve been and see myself going, I can only give you glimpses of the life I’m currently living. Yes, to many it’s a nightmare they don’t want to live much less read about but for me it’s all in the learning that comes from watching other people who for some reason have taken an interest in watching me. More importantly, I think it’s about listening and sharing things that aren’t always easy.

When I think about it, it was those really hard times that taught me who I really am and what I’m capable of. I have become my own survival guide because of how I grew up so for me, people who can’t figure that out for themselves are baffling. See, I grew up in a place called Brokeville, maybe some of you have heard of it? Hell, some of you have lived there yourself if you aren’t already there right now!

Anyway, my time there as a child was always an adventure in growing older. Can’t really say growing up because what if after puberty, you haven’t? You could always have an adventure in Brokeville but sometimes there were kinds you’d rather not. I learned how to fight in Brokeville and I think at the time I must’ve been about five years old. I remember waking up and running to the living room window of our apartment, crying. Crying because from where I stood, I could see my father getting into a car and leaving me by myself.

I opened the door and ran out, hoping to catch him but all I could do was stand on the second floor walkway and watch him drive off. I’m not sure how long I just stood there sobbing but it didn’t take long to realize somebody had been watching me. Laughter from the neighbor kid, Michael, snapped me out of my despair and replaced it with dread. I hated Michael with a passion because Michael had a problem nobody else knew about. The first time my mother left me and my sister at Michael’s house to babysit us, we soon found out all about Michael but it wasn’t until his parents left the room.

Michael was a few years older and bigger than I was. “Awww, did your dad take off and leave you by yourself?”  I turned and ran back into our apartment with Michael running close behind me. I managed to shut the door in enough time to slide the chain above the deadlock into place but the door was still partially open. Michael kept throwing his body against the door, attempting to dislodge or break the chain but it was strong. Michael was furious and kept yelling at me through the door to unlock the chain but I just stood there staring at it. Then I had an idea. “Back up so I can close the door to unlock the chain.” I had no idea if he would but when he did I closed the door and turned the knob on the deadlock then I stood on the couch in front of the window and grinned at Michael’s angry face on the other side of the glass. Realizing I wasn’t about to open the door anytime soon, Michael retreated to his own apartment.

The day after this incident, I was outside poking around the grounds looking for a rock. Not just any rock, a revenge rock. Once I found it, I climbed up the stairwell to wait for Michael’s school bus that should be arriving any minute. Sure enough, here came the bright yellow short bus that always dropped Michael off at the curb. Michael couldn’t see where I was perched and I patiently waited for him to walk closer. As soon as he approached the stairwell, I launched my rock and watched it bounce off his forehead. Instinctively, Michael’s hands flew to his head and he said what I was pretty sure were swear words. Then he looked up and saw me standing above him with my fists clenched, waiting for him to take another step. He began going down a list of things he was gonna do to me as tears ran down his face but I stood my ground and said “Go ahead. Tell you mom and dad I hit you in the head with a rock ‘cause when you do, I’m gonna tell ‘em what you did when you locked me into the closet with you.”

Michael’s face went from red to almost purple and he was breathing hard but he just stood there staring at me. Down the walkway, I could hear the door from Michael’s apartment open and his father leaving for his night job. He noticed Michael near the stairwell and called out to him “Michael, you better hurry up. Your mother has dinner on the table and yours is gonna get cold.” Michael still didn’t move. “Okay dad, I’m comin’.”

Michael and I watched his father get into his station wagon and drive off. Once he was gone, Michael wiped his face and continued up the stairwell. I thought for sure we were gonna get into it but instead, Michael walked past me and kept on going until he was back inside his own place. Due to the dynamics between my mother and father back then, I never did tell them about Michael. I had become accustomed to not being listened to anyhow.

From time to time I wonder whatever became of Michael since I have no idea how his life turned out after “the incident” but I do know that he left the same kind of impression I left on his forehead: permanent.

Red-clover

 

How many of you have passed by clover growing wherever it can find a comfortable spot? It will quickly take over a garden or lawn yet it is one of the most valuable “weeds” you can come across. Red and white clover are not only nutritious but are easily recognizable as most children go bee catching in patches of it!! The two types of clover I am referring to are Trifolium Repens (White clover) and Trifolium Pratense (Red clover). You can find either clover growing almost anywhere!

Dried clover flowerheads and seeds can be ground into a flour or flour stretcher. Roots are best cooked and make an interesting addition to a stir-fry. Flowerheads are often used to make a nice tea and the leaves of clover can be used raw in salads (the younger the plant the better if you’re going raw) or cooked like a potherb green. One of the best “wild” salads I ever made used the leaves of young clover, dandelion, nasturtium and a few clover flowers topped with sliced boiled egg and real bacon bits! Sprinkle on a light viniagrette and enjoy!

Clover is high in protein, minerals and vitamin C! Clover is also a valuable cover crop as it has a bacteria growing among it’s roots that fixes nitrogen to soil just like beans and peas which it is related to. Beekeepers also appreciate clover as it makes some of the best honey I’ve ever tasted!

Did you know…..

In the book “The African-American Heritage Cookbook: Traditional recipes and Fond Rememberances From Alabama’s Renowned Tuskagee Institute”, there’s a recipe called “George W. Carver Salad” that uses red clover?

Clover can also be made into medicines and wine

Here are some links for recipes and medicinal uses of clover:

http://www.liveandfeel.com/medicinalplants/clover.html

http://www.squidoo.com/trifolium

http://www.livestrong.com/article/165738-red-clover-medicinal-uses/

http://www.hungrybrowser.com/phaedrus/m0825M08.htm

http://rosesprodigalgarden.org/recipes/redcloverrecipes.html

 

 

 

Greater plantain

I think everyone should know basic survival skills no matter where on this planet they happen to be. A good start would be to learn how to identify edible plants and where they grow as well as at what time of year you’re most likely to find a particular plant. On my last post about wild edibles, I talked about the lowly dandelion. There’s another edible found in yards that people ignore is the common plantain. There are two types, the broad leaf and lance leaf (plantago major and plantago lanceolata for you botany majors) shown here:

You’ve probably walked past this plant and thought it was just a weed but this plant is much more than a seemingly annoying weed. You can eat it fresh or cooked like a green but if you eat it fresh like in a salad, collect young leaves before the flower spike appears. After that it gets a rather “green” taste not to mention that the older the leaves get, the more stringy it gets! Plantain is high in vitamins A, C, and K as well as potassium, calcium, magnesium, sodium, phosphorus, zinc and copper. It’s high in fiber and contains what’s known as phytochemicals like allantoin, glycosides, phenols, salicylic acid and tannins. Plantain has also and still is used for medicinal purposes and I will post links at the end of this blog for the reader to check out for themselves.

As a food, plaintain leaves, seeds and roots are edible but the roots are mostly used for medicinal purposes. Even the immature seed stalks can be eaten by parching them and grinding them into flour but you gotta have a lot of time on your hands to try that as gathering enough to make a meal is labor intensive! Try biting into the green seed stalks and see if it tastes “nutty”. If you can’t find young tender leaves to try raw, you can still use the older leaves in a tea or just boil them to make a green soup “stock”. As with all wild edibles, make sure you collect them from places that haven’t been sprayed with chemicals or in areas dogs have been allowed to run free in, I think you get what I mean! Also as a precaution, whenever trying new food, always try a little first to see if you have any allergic reactions to it. I haven’t heard of anyone being allergic to this plant though but you never know!

Cooking plantain doesn’t take long so don’t overdo it! You can pretty much use it just like spinach or just steam it and add a little butter over the top and whatever spices you like. Me? I like to saute them in a little olive oil, garlic and diced onion but that’s how I treat most greens anyway, lol! A sprinkling of a little fresh lemon juice is nice too! Another nice thing I do with plantain for a main dish is to cook it slowly in a pot with smoked bacon and a pinch of sugar just like you do with collard greens only you don’t have to cook it as long! Try experimenting with it and see what you can come up with according to your own tastes. Enjoy!

 

http://www.kingdomplantae.net/commonPlantain.php

http://www.livestrong.com/article/430791-the-health-benefits-of-the-plantain-leaf

http://botanical.com/botanical/mgmh/p/placom43.html

http://www.henriettesherbal.com/eclectic/kings/plantago.html

Coffee can cooker oven

As you can see from the picture to the left, my daughter is holding up a basic coffee can cooker that I made. Sure you can get fancy and make all kinds of modifications to suit your needs but the whole point of making them as simple as possible for homeless folks is so that they can make them without a garage full of tools or a lot of time! All you need is a sturdy can opener and a metal coffee can or even a large food industry metal can that will serve the same purpose. You just use the can opener to punch triangular holes evenly spaced around the top rim and down around the bottom for ventilation. You can then put charcoal, pinecones or whatever inside to burn as fuel so that you can cook or boil water over. If you have the $ and time and tools, you can also buy grill grate and cut to fit around the top and voila! You got a grill for one! Turn it upside down and cover the bottom surface with foil and you can bake a biscuit or what have you under another can with coals piled on top of it. A coffee can oven if you will!

 

I like to use coffee cans that have a lip on them like the second picture shows. It helps give a pot or frying pan an added surface to rest on and comes in handy when poking a sturdy stick in to lift it to move to another location or to dump out the ashes. If you can cook over a grill, you can cook over a coffee can cooker! Just before stopping to use free wifi, I stopped where some older homeless folks hang out and gave them a few of these babies because I knew they needed something to cook on even if it was just to boil some water, simple things that don’t exist when you are un-housed!

Here’s what an “oven” looks like:

As you can see, I put this oven on a park grill but normally I just carry 2 bricks around in the van to put the cooker on. I used a smaller family sized can of corn for my “oven” but it works great if you don’t mind baking one biscuit or a mini pie. A short fat can would give you more room to bake with but you get the idea. The coffee can cooker in this pic is a little different at the bottom because I cut a flap into the bottom so that I could slide a mini pie tin of coals into it. You can cook off the surface in this model but I primarily use this type for baking only.

Now that you know what a coffee can cooker looks like and how to make one, you can experiment on your own!

Just for fun, here’s a recipe for a basic “cobbler” I showed a bunch of kids how to make:

 

Freshly picked blackberries, about 2 fistfuls full

Some sugar or honey to taste

Pancake mix

First preheat your coffee can cooker by filling a mini pie tin with a handful of hot charcoal briquets, about 4 ought to do it. Slide the tin of charcoal under the cooker while you prepare the cobbler.

I took some aluminum mini pie tins and used a non stick cooking spray before piling in the blackberrys. Sprinkle in some sweetener. Mix enough water with the pancake mix to make a soft biscuit dough. Drop 3 tablespoons of dough onto each cobbler then place on top of your preheated coffee can heater. Carefully place your “oven” over the pie tin, then place 3 or 4 coals on top of the “oven” and allow to bake for about 8 minutes. Gently lift the “oven” up and check on your pie. Let it cook a few minutes more until the pancake mix dough is nicely browned and you’re done!

Enjoy!

 

 

Maggie reading book to Gandalf

Today started out as it normally does, me fighting with Maggie to get dressed and off to school but because Maggie’s been sick for the last 3 days, she didn’t go today and together we went to pick up Gandalf. When we got him into the van, the first thing I noticed was the greenish tinge in his face and his shaking hands. I asked him what was wrong and he told me he ran out of the painkillers the hospital gave him and he was in a world of hurt. He tried to take a bite of mashed potatoes and a sip of water and it sent his pancreas into a world of hell. He’s pretty much on an all liquid diet but every now and then, he gives in to his cravings for food.

I ran him up to Catholic Community Services for bus tickets because he has to go to a hospital in downtown Seattle known as Harborview tomorrow but that’s if he isn’t hurting so bad or has a seizure and gets taken by ambulance to the nearest hospital. He had a prescription that needed to be filled and since he has no insurance, I told him I would pay to get it filled. We drove up the hill to Walgreen’s and dropped it off and had to wait until 2 pm to pick it up. Once it was ready, we returned to the library and the first thing I saw were several homeless youth standing together and a police officer putting Lucas into cuffs. Lucas saw my van and called out to me: “Carey! They’re arresting me for trespassing but I never got a warrant or any citation that I was trespassed!” I recorded the arrest because this isn’t the first time Kent police officers have arrested youth and then nothing show up on record.

I dropped Gandalf off at the library for awhile knowing he had a few errands to do and “Kid” had agreed to tune up my van so we drove back up the hill to an auto supply store and got what we needed. “Kid” wasted no time getting to work eplacing spark plugs, wires, etc. When we got back down the hill to the library just before it closed, “Kid” traded places in the passenger seat with Gandalf. My 8 year daughter helped him get into the van and put the seatbelt around Gandalf. Just prior to getting in, Gandalf went on camera for me and I warn you now, what he says may pull at your heart strings. He asks the viewer to please forgive him for crying….

Images found on Toshiba flash drive 228

I want to thank everyone who follows me around on Twitter and Facebook because to me, it shows that others actually take an interest in what I do as a homeless person and as a homeless parent. Perhaps you learned something by seeing that I’m really not all that different than everybody else. Sure, I may get involved when others don’t, won’t or can’t. I might tell the truth even if it’s inconvenient for others to hear.

In turn I’ve learned a lot about people just from observation. For instance, when I first wrote a letter to change.org about what it’s like to be a homeless mother, it generated more hits than I thought was possible. To me, it seemed incredible that so many people were either astounded that homeless families were everywhere or didn’t want to believe what my experiences have been. So for those of you still “baffled” by us homeless parents, here’s a list for you to consider:

  1. How do you keep a roof over your head if child  costs more than your rent?
  2. Just because there’s a child support order in place, there’s no guarantee you’ll receive it and if dad can only find minimum wage jobs, just how much child support do you think will be received?
  3. Don’t assume there’s family help especially if relatives are barely making it themselves or choose not to get involved because it’s not “their problem”.
  4. Don’t tell people to “get on welfare” if you don’t know what the current welfare system is or the fact that programs are being cut…permanently. In case you didn’t know, there’s a “process” to see if
    you qualify and then you may be put on a waiting list. Section 8 for housing may not even be open to apply for in your state.
  5. Don’t assume someone can just show up at a shelter and get help. In case you haven’t been watching the news, many shelters are closing due to lack of financial support. If you have shelters still open, it’s possible there will be a waiting list after being seen by an intake specialist because not all shelters will take you. Not only that, the shelter in question may not be a safe place to be and you may get turned away due to not enough room.
  6. Don’t assume that just because your community has ample services available, things will be the same in other cities or states. Also, it may not be feasible for a homeless person to just pick up and move where you are.
  7. Get ready to have a family be split apart if local shelters take either men only, women only or women with kids up to a certain age only.
  8. There’s a time limit on how long folks can stay in a shelter so don’t assume that just because they’re in one, “they’ll be ok now”.
  9. Don’t assume that families are homeless because of drugs, alcohol, mental illness or being irresponsible with finances.
  10. Little things you take for granted that act as a “suspension system” for you simply don’t exist out here, like being able to shower every day or get to an indoor bathroom. Having a state id., driver’s license, mailing address, place to do laundry or a cell phone are things that can prevent a homeless person from being able to get work or have access to services.
  11. This is for educators: Homeless kids have to do their homework either at a public library (if there’s one nearby and they can get to it), a restaurant or in a car. If they’re too busy trying to survive, don’t assume they’re falling behind in school due to not trying hard enough. Also, it’s easier to get sick out here and it takes longer to recover without your own home so absences due to illness are common. When it comes to school functions, many times homeless families will opt out if they can’t afford nice clothes or uniforms for their kids, can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to deal with that even though schools were told we were homeless. My teen couldn’t join most sports because she couldn’t afford the costs involved with being on a team.
  12. For families living out of their cars, a minimum wage job will barely keep a vehicle maintained, insured and the tank full of gas. Gas is always a priority because there aren’t too many safe places to park for the night so sleep is a luxury that comes in naps or not at all.
  13. As far as food banks and public feeds are concerned, if you can get to them, they will help stretch a food budget especially if you’re a homeless youth who only gets $200 a month in foodstamps. By the way foodstamps won’t buy any hot foods from a grocery store deli so if you don’t have a kitchen or way to cook food, you’ll be eating cold items. The other thing is that even though you can buy groceries, if you don’t have a refrigerator to store anything so buying perishables is on a day to day basis. Also, if you’re in a heavy need area, public feeds can only bring so much food before having to turn folks away, the same is happening to local food banks. If you didn’t already know this, most food banks allow homeless folks to visit once a week and if you’re housed, once a month.
  14. Don’t assume homeless kids are necessarily anti-social because they don’t show up to birthday invitations or dances. They might be ashamed of their clothes or the fact that they can’t buy a gift. Homeless kids are acutely aware of the fact they can’t have sleepovers with their friends and some parents have a problem letting their kids visit their homeless friends at a shelter.

As for me, I will continue to post on Twitter and Facebook about what I deal with on a daily basis regardless of who might find it uncomfortable to watch. Homeless life is not pretty. It’s a day to day struggle that goes on whether you’re part of it or watching it from afar. Maybe you’ll get uncomfortable enough to go out and do something about it, maybe not. Either way, don’t say you weren’t informed….

Yesterday I took a long walk into a wooded area where many homeless youth “camp out”. Although it’s quiet and secluded, it’s also a very wet area during the Pacific Northwest fall and winter seasons. My ten dollar shoes were soon caked with mud as I followed a trail as far back as I could and  the first thing I noticed were clothes and thoroughly drenched sleeping bags hanging from branches. Now I don’t have much money but I took the kids to a nearby laundromat to wash and dry their few belongings. It may not seem like a big deal but when you live outside, it’s hard to keep warm when your things are soaking wet and you have no access to heat.

When I got back to my mini-van, I saw new homeless people I haven’t seen before…adults with small kids. They had no vehicle and they had no  tent. Whenever this happens, homeless youth “double up” in their small tents the best they can. Even scarier are the new senior citizens I’ve noticed in the area. Most of them live out of their vehicles or small RV’s and what worries me the most about them is the fact that most of them have health problems that will only get worse the longer they live this way.

Instead of sinking into despair at the growing number of homeless people showing up without access to immediate shelter, I decided to collect tents, new or used. I look for folks willing to donate sleeping bags, warm coats and camping gear they no longer use. Outside of collecting used items, my only other option is to ask folks for monetary donations to be able to buy items from thrift stores, garage sales, discount shops and yes, military supply stores. If you’re reading this blog, please make a donation if you can. Sometimes this is easier than boxing up items and then paying high shipping  costs. Another way to get gear is to send gift cards to places like Target where new camping gear is relatively inexpensive.

To those of you who live in and around the Seattle area, if you have any tents, tarps (brown, green or camouflage only please!), sleeping bags, camping gear, flashlights, body/hand/foot warmers, thermal underwear, thermal socks and warm winter jackets or gently used hiking boots that you’d like to donate, please contact me via email (indy.inn@hotmail.com) to arrange a meeting place to pick those items up. That being said, please do not send me items that aren’t on the priority list as these homeless youth are not a “dump” for unwanted items I may have to spend gas on to donate to a local thrift store or trash bin. For those of you concerned about fraud, I keep all receipts for items purchased for the homeless and will be posting them accordingly.

Obviously the homeless need permanent housing but until Section 8 is reopened to apply for in my state along with enough vouchers to serve the real numbers of homeless people out here, what I’m doing will always be a band-aid effort on a gushing wound. So why do I go out of my way to help homeless people when I’m homeless myself? It’s simple; every day out here without adequate shelter, health care or food is another day closer to death. I don’t know about you but that’s what I think about every time I see a homeless person sleeping in an alley or under a bridge with nothing but a blanket  wrapped around them.

As for those of you who donated funds and your spare tents, sleeping bags, coats, blankets, tarps, boots, socks and other items; thank you. You may  never meet the folks I gave your stuff to but you may have just saved their lives and that my friends…….is worth more than any man made treasure.

Recently I had the opportunity to speak with homeless youth in and about your city. I found it interesting that they are saying officers from the Kent Police department claim that the reason they harass homeless
youth near the Kent library and parks nearby comes from being pressured by the Mayor’s office. I would like to know why officers apparently use intimidation tactics like raiding homeless camps of these youth along with confiscating their belongings, the only ones they possess. Not only that, these youth say that officers “provoke” incidents resulting in the youth getting arrested. I encourage everyone to document on camera if they can, the behavior of these officers since the testimony of young people often ends up being marginalized by the adults who should be protecting them.

Apparently the Kent officers have never heard of the Donut Dialogues put on by the Seattle Police Department to help facilitate dealing with homeless youth in a positive manner. I’m an adult and can recount being harassed by police officers from Kent while in a public park with no apparent “probable cause” which raises many questions about racial profiling, another complaint often referred to whenever the Kent Police Department is mentioned in the conversations I’ve listened to.

How hard is it to have an open house dialogue to educate citizens on who the homeless really are instead of fostering preconceived notions that aren’t based on the facts of homelessness? How many of them have sat face to face with one of these homeless youth to find out that it’s safer for them to be on the streets than it is to be at home? There’s something wrong when officers start claiming they don’t have to give youth or adults their badge numbers or the names of their commanding officers….Could it be that these tactics stem from homeless individuals (who have nowhere else to go) being seen in areas in close proximity to City Hall and the Kent Regional Justice Center?

Right now, the city of Kent rates an “F”…….Second to Auburn and Federal Way. If you’re homeless, be forewarned about these three cities as their police departments have a street reputation for harassment and racial profiling…..I know, I’ve experienced it myself and in front of my two kids!

One more thing, for those of you who cling to outdated ideas that shelters are appropriate places to put the homeless, I encourage you to visit careyfuller.com to see for yourself how “easy” it is to get into a
shelter. In case you weren’t paying attention, there are more homeless people now than ever and the system was never intended to handle the flood of humanity coming in for help and if you didn’t know, over half the population of all homeless….are kids. Due to the current economy, how are you going to deal with homeless families living out of their cars or seniors who can’t afford to be put into a facility? Give carte blanche to your police force to bully them out of your city? Perhaps a better idea is to meet with outreach programs and other service providers who deal with homeless issues on a daily basis. This way, your decisions are based on the realities of homeless life.

Other cities in many states have shown better ways to deal with the “homeless” problem. Yes, there are chronic homeless people in our cities needing intense help due to severe mental illness so why are we letting
them sleep outside and under bridges? Whether you realize it or not, a city’s response is an indicator to what kind of community resides there so I’m asking you, what kind of community are you building?

 

Sincerely,

Carey Fuller