Dear Michael Moore

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (14 Comments)

Dear Mr. Moore,

I’ve been a fan of your movies and recently watched videos of you in Madison, WI. I got to thinking about the way your voice gets people to pay attention, to really look at who we are and what we’re doing or allowing to happen in this country.

The war out here to survive needs to be shown as it truly is…a war to survive. Corporate America needs to “see” the faces and “hear the voices” of those they are stepping on while feeding their insatiable greed. Funny, but not funny, is the fact that without us, who are they?

I believe, no, I KNOW that it is in the power of the people to change the way things are being run in their countries. Just looking at world events will show us all that. All it takes is the will power to stand up. All it takes is the courage to speak up. All it takes is the decision to act.

I want people to see first hand, what it’s like to hear your 2-year-old cry herself to sleep because she’s hungry. I want them to hear a teenager’s rage about being ignored and feeling left behind by a world she is struggling to find her way in or read her suicide notes to herself because she would rather die than live in a cold world. I want them to read about what it’s like to work two jobs seven days a week until the point of collapse or losing an unborn child while on one of those jobs because not working is out of the question.

I know you’re a busy man, Mr. Moore. I know you have projects you’re working on and I understand. In the meantime, I will still send tweets to you. I will still watch your posts on Facebook. I will read your stories when they’re posted on The Huffington Post. But please understand, that we, Homeless America, are busy too. We’re busy trying not to die out here.

Sincerely,

Carey Fuller (Aka: Indy, Indyinn, Indyinnz)

 

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Transportation woes

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (4 Comments)

On the way to picking up my eldest, the mini-van started acting funny. It dragged when I stepped on the gas pedal and while driving down the highway, it wanted to slow down then speed up. When the high-pitched whining sound started, I pulled into a Firestone Mastercare garage I was familiar with. Thank goodness my mother and sister lived only a few blocks away. I left the car at the garage thinking by the time my sister drove us to Bellevue and back, they would at least have gotten on diagnostic done but after waiting a couple of hours after getting back from Bellevue, no one had called.

It was getting dark and the shop closed at 6 pm. They aren’t open on Sundays and I had no way of getting back here to pick up the van let alone the funds to pay for more than a diagnostic. I got to the garage at 4:30 and told the mechanics that I might as well just take a chance at driving the van back to Caly’s place, 70 miles away. One mechanic said that he suspects that the transmission on the Aerostar is going out from what he could tell (they were nice enough not to charge me anything for taking a look after all!).

I went online to see what a rebuilt transmission would cost and most of the prices listed say $1500.00! Then my instincts kicked in. Maybe I can find a used transmission at a junkyard that has less mileage on it than mine does. The only thing after that is to see how much a shop would charge to install it.

Since today is Sunday, I can’t call any places until tomorrow. I am hoping with any luck, it won’t cost that much but since I don’t have any money, I am thinking the van may not be worth saving since it was given to me for free.

So today is another adventure in homelessness and tomorrow will determine what I do in the very near future.

Stay tuned!

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In love with community service

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (0 Comments)

In love with community service.

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In love with community service

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (4 Comments)

I’m in love…that’s right I admit it. I’m in love with community service. One of my favorite causes is a tent city here in Seattle called Nickelsville. The residents call themselves Nickelodeons and they are a model tent city. They are self-governed and as they often say on their website, they are homeless not helpless. Many of the people I met here have jobs and families and are no different from you or I. There are rules here, such as no drugs or alcohol which is probably the reason families with children would join this roaming community.

In their efforts to become self-sufficient they have been working with the city of Seattle in the hopes of finding a permanent location for Nickelsville before adverse weather sets in. Even with recommendations from a citizens review panel and after 7 sites were suggested and narrowed down to one, Mayor Mike McGinn now says that no site will be found this winter.

Wherever they land, one thing is for sure and that is they will need to stay warm and dry. I know they need tarps and more tents as some are looking rather worn. The latest update on their site says that their new site will be available by noon tomorrow so I intend to show up before that to see what I can do. I know that once everything is unpacked and unloaded and the residents have a chance to settle in, boxes of hand warmers will be greatly appreciated along with food items and things like laundry detergent. I will post tomorrow’s activities with photos but I’d like to thank everyone for taking the time to read this and for your contributions.

Please feel free to visit Nickelsville’s site at http://www.nickelsvilleseattle.org/

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Ripples….

Posted by Carey Fuller in elderly | Helping hands | senior citizen - (0 Comments)

Ripples…..

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Ripples….

Posted by Carey Fuller in elderly | senior citizen - (2 Comments)

Sometimes you are the catalyst that starts a chain reaction that goes out farther than you ever thought possible. On my blog I wrote about an 85-year old street performer I call Rab that many have written to at my request. His loneliness is his greatest sadness and his sadness moved me. Rab calls me often and many times he has mentioned his “spiritual son” who he misses and loves dearly. He wonders how his son is doing and if he’ll ever hear from him again.

While writing up petitions and posts for change.org a message popped up on my screen from wordpress.com then another direct email from a man who identified himself as Rab’s spiritual son. I gave him Rab’s phone number and encouraged him to please, please call as soon as possible. I called Rab and told him that yet another surprise would be coming to him over the phone. Of course, Rab asked if the person to be calling was someone he had spoken to before, I replied that he knew this person but I was not going to tell him any more than that because it would ruin the surprise.

I asked Rab later about his “surprise” and he couldn’t believe that the story I posted about him got to his spiritual son. Rab had not seen his son for over 7 years nor could he believe that his story was seen by so many. I mentioned to Rab that perhaps it would be a good idea to finally become acquainted with the internet because it is a new way to connect with other people and current events.  In return, Rab mentioned to me that he preferred to be called Rabbi. “Ok Rab, from now on its Rabbi”, I replied. I asked him about his surprise phone call and this is what the Rabbi said to me: “Oh, you have no idea! I was so thrilled to hear from him! I have known this boy since he was twelve years old and now he’s in his fifties! I had no idea that it was through you that he got my number. I was so thrilled to hear from him! We exchanged information with each other to keep in touch.” It is my hope that reconnecting with the people he loves the most will help soothe the loneliness the Rabbi lives through every day.

Most of the time I write for myself and if others enjoy reading what I write then I am honored. When I decided to put the Rabbi’s story “out there”, I didn’t know how many pairs of eyes would see it or how far his story would travel but some strange coincidence, his story reached the person it needed to. I have learned that when things seem hopeless or impossible, that’s the time when all things are possible because hope doesn’t mean much if there’s no action behind it. Sometimes little ripples on the surface grow into tidal waves across oceans.

Now if only he would stop asking me to marry him….:)

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Creating my own opportunities

Posted by Carey Fuller in elderly | Helping hands | Homelessness | Kids | senior citizen | Social media - (0 Comments)

Good ol’ Rab has called me about 17 times so far mostly about loneliness but about the letters he’s begun to recieve in the mail. You see, he has been battling depression for awhile now because he’s been so alone. He filled up the time limit on my voicemail reading back the letters that were sent to him. Hopefully he’ll remember to write back to all of you who took the time send him your regards. A trickle of thought occurred to me while I was listening to Rab’s voice on the other end, one that whispered about creating opportunities where none had existed before. I may not have all the details on how to go about it and everyday I seem to learn something new along the way but I think it is an effort worth exploring.

I wrote a letter to Ken Schram today and don’t know if I’ll hear back from him but if I never make an attempt to contact him, I definitly won’t. He has worked for KOMO news and has his own commentary online and on a local radio station I believe. I took the time to explain my story and attached a link to change.org as well as pointing him to InvisiblePeopletv and wearevisible. Maybe nothing will come of this, maybe something will.

I put in a few phone calls to the Pierce County Coalition to end Homelessness but haven’t heard back from them yet. Hopefully someone will get back to me within a few days. The next step from here is to check out King County’s coalitions and go from there.

While doing all of this I still have the same anxieties about getting by just like everybody else, maybe more so but I don’t like to dwell on what I can’t change today. Each of us has the capability to be the first at something in their hometowns but how often do they? It’s a simple matter to acknowledge a family with kids living out of their cars when you see them in parking lots. If I had the money, I would buy gift cards to local restraunts and go on a spree to pass them out to homeless folks especially in the winter when hot food will go a long way but if I couldn’t do that I would at least figure out how to keep them warm. Hand warmers are always a convenient and practical gift.

I don’t know where tomorrow will take me but when I get there, I hope it’s another step closer to something better.

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What I want to do versus what I need to do

Posted by Carey Fuller in elderly | Helping hands | Homelessness | senior citizen | Social media - (12 Comments)

The past week has been a whirl of headaches, stresses and traumas yet it has also been a week of new discoveries, self exploration and a rare joy ride into the sweet side of the human soul. You see, I told myself that the only way out of hell was to get a degree in something that might resemble job security even if it were a mundane spirit crushing job; it had to be better than my current circumstances. So I began the process of enrolling in a 2 year program and although I struggled to keep up with classes while staying alive and looking for better opportunities, I knew I was dying inside. Isn’t this what a good parent does, make sacrifices for her children regardless of how it affects her health, her mind, her overall well-being?

While I chased after a piece of paper that would tell people I am worth something I felt…empty. Is this what I really am? Is this who I want to be? Insomnia and migraines became constant companions I could not say no to yet I allowed them to make themselves comfortable because the rationalization was to put up with it because having a degree would be worth it, wouldn’t it?

Little by little, something has been happening to me. I noticed it when I walked the streets of Seattle talking to desperate people in desperate situations. I noticed it when taking the time to befriend an 85-year old street musician. I felt it when looking for the van people and counting how many souls slept in vans, cars and motor homes. I saw it in the eyes of children living in parking lots who didn’t know where they would be sleeping that night. Sometimes it stung in the face of careless comments and willful ignorance yet somehow always managed to ignite me in ways previously unknown and I am still on simmer.

When everything converged into a tangled mess of conflicted priorities and too many ifs, everything locked up inside me until……my path crossed that of another whose gentle words gave me clarity again. “What is it you want to do and what is it you need to do?” Even before those words were given, I already knew. Going to school to get a degree; that was what I wanted to do. Giving homeless people a voice when no one wants to hear them is what I NEED to do. Hearing the fragile voice of an 85-year old man living in a garage and wanting to die because he suffers from loneliness and thought the world had forgotten him turn into surprise and wonder because people he didn’t know read what I wrote about him and sent him letters is what I NEED to hear. Watching the interactions among the homeless themselves helping and supporting other homeless people is what I NEED to see. Reading about how dehumanized one man felt because no one wanted to touch a homeless man is what I NEED to know. Connecting with other people going through the same feelings of frustration, anxieties, guilt and anger is what I NEED to feel. Wanting to help a hardly normal guy run around the world filming the truth about homelessness and those who struggle with it every day and knowing it may turn out to be a thankless job but the rewards thus far are measured in humanity and not in gold so I keep on doing what I can even though I have no idea in the long run where this will lead to is where I NEED to be.

And so I begin the process of enrolling in a different program that isn’t taught at any institution nor does it require filling out forms for financial aid so that when you “graduate” you are eligible to repay that loan immediately. The classes I have chosen to take are in patience, diligence, compassion, perseverance, acceptance and a willingness not to judge. Actively pursuing real change is more than a full-time career yet I am willing to do it without pay because the alternative is to fall into the status quo of nothingness and rhetoric without action.

I am still pursuing a living wage but in the meantime I have to wage a life worth pursuing.

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What have I got to be thankful for?

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness | Uncategorized - (0 Comments)

It would be all too easy to allow myself to fall into despair about not having a place of my own and worrying myself to death over what’s not happening in my life right now. Everyday there is something, never enough this, never enough that and even though it can be a rollercoaster sometimes, I still have a lot to be thankful for. For one thing, I have access to clean water. I have the ability to work on getting a degree even though there is no guarantee of a job in the field I’m studying for. My kids are physically healthy and know that although we may have it rough right now, I’m not giving up on a better future for them. I don’t let them see me getting caught up in a whining fest or downward spiral into anger. Sometimes my teenager and I get into it because teenagers “know” more than they actually do but compared to some others I’ve seen, I think I’ve been fortunate that she hasn’t gotten into drugs, gotten pregnant or landed in jail. When it came to bringing donations to Nickelsville, I stood back for a moment while watching her unload the back of Caly’s car as though she had done this all her life. Sometimes her little sister gets on her nerves and typical bickering does occur but in those moments when they bond together, well, words can’t describe what I feel.

Laughter softens the bitter pill of how we live, especially when it comes to my 7-year old. From asking about tentacles and Chinas to borrowing cameras and making her own videos, she really surprises me. Here is a link to a video done last year of her when asked a question: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/video/video.php?v=125655337449632

My teen is the quiet artistic personality. She loves to draw and is an anime fan, especially Manga. I have to monitor what kind of Manga she looks at because not all of it is age appropriate as we once discovered when she got a hold of a book that made me blush! She found it at the local library and I had to tell her that just because something is “cartoonish” doesn’t mean it isn’t adult.

In the back of mind, when I knew we were going to be living out of a vehicle, I had to remind myself that the path I’m on must be leading me somewhere I just didn’t know where. This is what my philosophy has always been even when I was a kid because the experiences I’ve had always prove it. If I hadn’t become homeless, with kids, would I be able to write about it the way I do? Would I be able to understand others in the same situation if I had never experienced for myself what other people don’t want to believe is true? So many times people carelessly would comment that I should just go on welfare until I educated them that in all honesty, there is no such thing as welfare of American citizens any more.

If I hadn’t become homeless, I wouldn’t have met all the people I’ve met so far with their own stories to tell. If I hadn’t been homeless, I would’ve never found out about change.org and all the nice folks there. I wouldn’t even be on wordpress.com if I hadn’t been homeless. I keep wondering where my path will end but I know it began with me and the choices I’ve made so far. Going back to school felt scary at first but what did I have to lose? If I’m ever going to get out of this, I’ll have to fight my way out.

In the meantime, I will continue talking about the homeless and confronting stupidity wherever I find it. No matter how much any of us would like to give up, don’t. Don’t let the apathy and indifference of ignorant people keep you from helping yourself. Don’t let negativity infect your spirit because the truth is, we are our own worst enemies and it is time to start being best friends with ourselves.

If someone were to ask me if I would do this all over again, the answer is yes, I would.

“Again by Bruno Mars”

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That’s not me

Posted by Carey Fuller in Helping hands | Poetry | Uncategorized - (6 Comments)

Look at me and tell me what you see. I may not be who you think I am. Please don’t mistake my composure for being at ease, that may not be me.

They say I’m strong, but I’m not so sure. This is all I know how to be. I made a promise a long time ago that I wouldn’t let either of my daughters go. To hell and back but not dazed, lights of the future are dimmed I’m afraid.

Isolation has become my consolation for in it I find familiarity. I am familiar with having two jobs since I as twelve. I am familiar with being forgotten, overlooked and ignored. I am familiar with never getting enough sleep. I am familiar with never having enough money or time to be the mother my kids need and want me to be. I am familiar of having family but no family. I am familiar with not enough me.

Assumptions of others I have grown weary, so let them believe what they find necessary. Is she gay, have a boyfriend, never married, NOT DATING?! Alone all the time, what’s she hiding, is she faking? They just don’t get it, can’t understand, would rather believe I’m a lesbian, they choose what they see, cannot accept vows of celibacy.

Hypocrites, liars, putting on airs, people who don’t give a damn, just wanna get theirs, that’s not me. 

Caring, sharing, helping, preparing, people with stories worth telling…..wait, that is me!

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