Some dreams don’t come true

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (3 Comments)
Dress in a donut box

Yesterday was definitely a Murphy’s Law day. Everything that could go wrong, did. The morning started off with a frantic call from formerly homeless “Legion”. He’s been struggling looking for work while couch surfing at a friend’s. He lost his medical and food stamps benefits due to 5 year time limit. His friend has been patiently waiting for Legion to pay $100 a month but per Legion, last night was the last night he could stay at his friend’s house. Legion’s health appears to be faltering as his face was grey and he showed me lumps under his jawline that appeared after he started couch surfing. He’s supposed to go to a doctor’s appointment on October 17th but without insurance, most cancer clinics won’t see him. Legion’s biggest concern isn’t homelessness, it’s what the cold will do to his daily pain. My concern is getting his cancer status checked and seeing what can be done to keep him at his friend’s house.

I spent the morning running my “son” Strey to thrift stores to get him outfitted for my daughter’s homecoming dance. After that the plan was to take him to his soon to be new apartments to sign paperwork with his new caseworker then go back to his camp and move him into his new apartment. What ended up happening was paperwork not getting to Strey’s employer before yesterday so employment verification was missing and now Strey has to show up at the apartment complex Monday but that isn’t the worst of what happened. You see, part of the housing program requirements is that youth be employed or actively looking for employment in order to keep his housing. My daughter’s first homecoming dance is today and Strey could not get tonight off from his employer. If he doesn’t go in he loses his job. If he loses his job what do you think will happen to his housing opportunity?

Add to this that I was frantically calling around and sending text messages to everyone I could think of to make my daughter’s dream night happen and accidentally sent a text intended for someone else to my daughter. I told her to disregard the accidental texts in case I could work something out. Caseworkers are great for homeless youth but try getting in touch with one after hours. That’s one of the beefs I have with social services. Homelessness doesn’t clock out for the day when you do and homeless youth have no one to call at night or on weekends if program offices are closed. Anyway, I spent last night parked outside my brother’s house where my daughter was, stalling having to tell her that after all the work I did on her dress, after all the kind donations people sent in, sending her to the dance isn’t going to happen after all and once again another setback adds to another missed birthday and another missed social function. No wonder then, that to my teen, it’s not worth the effort to have too many hopes.

I watched as Strey knocked on my brother’s door to tell my daughter he was so sorry about not being able to take her to the dance. He kept blaming himself over and over and she kept assuring him that not going to the dance is alright with her. She’d rather not have Strey lose his chance to get out of homelessness. I even asked if she wouldn’t mind going to the dance alone but she said that she didn’t want to go without Strey and she doesn’t really have any friends at her new school to hang out with so….

So here I sit using free wifi at McDonald’s and staring at the screen of my laptop dreading every minute I have to write this. I apologize to everyone who did what they could to help a homeless teen go to her first homecoming dance on her birthday only to have everything fall through the cracks. I’m looking at this dress wrapped in a donut box and the only thing I’m thinking about is how to repay everyone even though I’m not sure how long it will take me to do so. Today is just another scratch on the tip of an iceberg I call our homeless life. Yeah, we know getting out of homelessness is more important than a dance and no one knows that better than we do. After Strey and Ariella accepted the fact that the homecoming dance isn’t going to happen, they rode with me to Kent to hand out donated camping gear, a tent, a sleeping bag, camping gear, tarps, flashlights and $5 McDonald’s gift cards to homeless youth with nothing. Even little Maggie got out of the van to hand out items.

Watching my daughter last night made me realize something I hadn’t really paid attention to when I was working two jobs to avoid the situation we now live with. Like me, she is tougher than I thought.

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A homeless teen’s homecoming

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (3 Comments)
Ariella and Bryce

If you were on Twitter last night, you may have seen my tweets regarding my oldest daughter, Ariella. You see, this Saturday is her birthday but it is also her high school’s homecoming dance. While watching her peers pick out dresses and talk about going to the dance, my teen fell into a depression she tries to hide. I know she wants to go but because she’s embarrassed about our financial situation, she’s been telling everyone she doesn’t want to go. I know that look in her eyes because I’ve seen it too many times before, it’s the one where she’s resigned herself to another missed birthday and another school function she can’t afford to go to. I didn’t want to post anything on Facebook and risk her finding out about it but then I got an idea today. She hardly ever looks at my blogs so putting this blog on my page might go unnoticed by her, ha ha ha!

Going to the dance will be a two-fold project for me as it isn’t my daughter who needs to have a break from homeless life. There’s a boy I’ve been helping ever since he got abandoned at a Kent, Washington gas station by a relative. He’s been camping out in the woods with the tent and sleeping bag I got for him and he’s been getting a lot of help from the good folks at Auburn Youth Resources. Thanks to their efforts, “Strey” will soon be housed and thank goodness it will be before the winter sets in! “Strey” and my daughter met and hit it off almost immediately. They have a lot in common and they even think alike! I am impressed with him because he asked my permission to date my daughter and unbeknown to her, he’s been trying to figure out a way to make sure she goes to the dance on her birthday but at four hours a week at a local restaraunt, he can barely afford to eat and he isn’t getting any more hours. “Strey” has decided that taking my daughter out this Saturday is more important than the part-time minimum wage job he has so he told me that he was calling them this morning to tell them he won’t be working there any longer.

I got donations last night and this morning to help me buy fabric and notions for my daughter’s “dream” dress but now I have to worry about “Strey”. I believe someone is helping him with a tux but I think it’s customary for the guy to buy the girl a corsage or something? Forgive my ignorance but I have never been to a dance so I’m pretty much guessing as I go! My brother asked about transportation and I said if nothing else, I could drive them to the dance in my van since going to the dance was all they were hoping for.

I am writing this blog from a McDonald’s while waiting for the local JoAnne’s Fabric Store to open so that I can get everything needed for Ariella’s dress. I will be working as fast as I can on it since I can only work on it when the kids are in school as this is supposed to be a big surprise for my teen. If everything goes right, this will be a night to remember for my daughter and her date!

A big thank you to all of you who have been donating to make these two kids one night dream come true. I haven’t always been able to give my daughter what she wanted or even what she needed when I worked two jobs and things only got worse when we became homeless but I can sew and I can give her this dress.

Happy Birthday, Ariella!

 

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Homeless parenting…..

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (2 Comments)

Parenting while homeless is no different than what other parents do; it’s just that as a parent without my own home, I have to deal with situations that non-homeless parents don’t have to worry about. For instance, my teenage daughter is going through major depression because of our situation and she has gotten to the point where just being at school every day is filled with dread. She is constantly worrying about her peers finding out that she’s homeless and her self esteem right now is directly linked to everything she feels she doesn’t have. Like most teens, there is an over focusing on appearances and popularity and having the money to go out every weekend. I can’t blame my daughter for the way she feels when she gets surrounded by this kind of pressure every day but at the same time, I cannot let her give up on her education or on herself.

She is fortunate enough to have two very nice girls who have befriended her regardless of her living arrangements and so far, they have kept our homelessness a secret. In fact they were the ones who told her about a young man they knew of that is currently living in a shelter not too far from the high school. Although I do what I can to help her self-esteem, I am the one who feels responsible for the pain and misery she feels. The logical side of me knows that I did everything I could to keep a roof over our heads but my emotional side is oblivious to reason. I feel like it’s my fault my kid wants to commit suicide because she feels no one cares whether she lives or dies. I can only talk to her so much but she has to come to the realization that life is worth living on her own because no matter how many times anyone talks to her; they can’t convince her that our situation will improve any time soon.

My daughter has seen me call shelters and transitional housing agencies only to be told there is nothing available time and time again. Here in Seattle we are overwhelmed and underfunded and our homeless population is not going down. If you are lucky, you may get on a waiting list but the stay in a shelter will only last about two months and then you’re put out on the street to start the cycle all over again. Section 8 is not an option
and hasn’t been for several years since our state is closed to even apply for housing vouchers. If you get an application, it is with the understanding that you are applying to be put on a waiting list with a minimum of 3 years.

My teen has watched police chase us from parking lots and public parks even though we had the right to be there. I was harassed by two police officers for “camping” in a parking lot in front of a store I happened
to be shopping at. They claimed that the store owner had called in a complaint but I researched that and found out that no complaint was made by the store owner. They made an assumption because they saw us in the RV I had. Fortunately, I had friends who were officers as well and they looked into it. Needless to say, I never saw those two officers again. One of my officer friends warned me that the area I was in happened to be notorious for racial profiling and I made a point of not making my presence known whenever I went through that particular neighborhood.

On the other hand, I have had officers go out of their way to give me rides so I could be at work on time or to daycare when I worked odd hours and had no working vehicle to drive with. Some have bought me coffee or
pointed out places that were ok to spend a night at. One even gave me gas money. You just never know what kind of people you will run into and it doesn’t matter if they wear a uniform. People are people but I made sure I did not feed into preconceived notions on what most people think of when see a homeless person. The disbelief and shock on their faces pretty much tells me what I need to know.

I imagine that things would be a lot worse for us if I had an addiction problem or mental health issues and although my daughter is thankful that I don’t, it doesn’t lessen the pain and humiliation she feels. Watching how some have treated us and the disconnectedness of relatives has led my daughter to believe that our situation is hopeless. She has been trying to find a part time job to help but no one is hiring or won’t hire her because she has no prior experience. Now add to this the fact that we are currently “living” in a small town where there aren’t many jobs available and you can see where all her frustration is coming from. How do you give your child hope when every step you take leads to nowhere?

Tomorrow may be a new day but in her eyes it is another day of more of the same.

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New Descendant

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness | Uncategorized - (1 Comments)

A while back I mentioned that while living out of the Minnie Winnebago, I wrote a story for my oldest daughter to keep her mind occupied. New Descendant came about because she was angry and depressed most of the time and writing about a young girl close to her age was the only way I could comfort her. I wanted her to see that poverty does not define who you are as a person. It’s just a situation that you have to live through the best you can.

At the same time, I wanted her to hear the stories of our cultural background. Characters like Raven, the Yunwi Tsunsdi (Little People), Shape shifters and vampire like creatures (Aswang from the Philippines) were stories I heard while growing up. A lot of folks don’t realize that we have tales of werewolves but they are not like those that came from Europe. The wolf is not an evil spirit to be feared.

I still write about the main character, Yeracenna and her journey through a world that seems strange and wonderful at the same time. I have the outlines for four sequels already written out and am working on the second book, Serpent’s Ascent. At the same time I’m working on Tales from the driver’s side which is about half-way finished. For me, writing is like a medicine to soothe a weary soul. In it I find new energy that I didn’t know I had!

I hope readers young and old can relate to the characters I created. In many ways I think the story kept my daughter from sinking further into depression while we lived out of the RV. Maybe it will help some other kid out there from doing the same.

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An understanding educator

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (6 Comments)

After an interesting conversation with my youngest’s teacher, I have discovered that my daughter actually told her class that she was homeless. This is the email the teacher sent to me after I sent her a message saying “She did?”:

“She did and it was very matter of fact.   I can’t even remember what led to the comment.   She did not seem ashamed, just matter of fact.  I don’t want to label her and would never have brought it up myself to the class but sometimes when you say something aloud it does not have the power to shame you.  I clarified what it meant in Maggie’s case because I think that some kids associate homeless people with only those that hold signs by the roadside.  As we know, it is much bigger and more complicated than that.”

                                                                                                                                Judy

I am so proud of my daughter! I was worried about her self-esteem because she was reluctant to go to a new school and I also worried about her ability to make new friends. Last year she refused to tell anybody that we were living in a run down motor home because she didn’t want the other kids to make fun of her. I think having an understanding educator like Judy has gone a long way in making Maggie feel “safe”. Maggie has even told her teacher that she may not be at that school, which may be true, I just won’t know yet.

This incident just proves to me that kids are tougher than we give them credit for. I think that for Maggie, seeing how her mother deals with a tough situation has influenced her attitude about being homeless.

Now if only I can get through to my teenager!

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Teachers without a clue

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (11 Comments)

I got an email the other day from my youngest daughter’s teacher about a “Cool U” interview with each student in class. Typical of my daughter not to say anything about this project until the last-minute! I didn’t see the blue sheet with details on it that the teacher sent home with all the students until today. I even went through photos I have stored on this laptop and emailed them to her.

Turns out that this project is asking for my daughter to take pictures of her home and neighborhood, pets or farm animals, favorite activities and family. Right off the bat, I see a problem. First of all, we’re homeless, do you want photos of a mini van that isn’t moving right now? Second of all, we have no pets and my eldest daughter doesn’t get “home” from school and after school activities until almost 8 pm. That leaves just the few photos I have on my laptop. Our favorite activities are to have enough food to eat, a warm and safe place to sleep and no harassment from the police. I’m sure the school would love to have my daughter post that to her entire class.

Of course, me being me, I will again contact this teacher (don’t get me wrong, I actually like her and think she does a great job) and let her know that this project highlights what most people take for granted. People don’t realize my girls don’t want their peers to know how they’ve been living. I will simply have to tell the school that if they can’t use the pictures I already sent then maybe my daughter doesn’t need to take part in this activity. Sure, the teacher gave my daughter a camera to use but it has no batteries and it’s not like I have the cash to buy any. I still have a transmission that needs to be replaced.

You know now that I think about it, this isnt’ the first time a situation like this came up. When the holiday season was here, my youngest was given a flyer about a holiday program being held in the school auditorium and the school was asking all the kids to wear their best holiday outfits. Well my daughter only has one dress and it is the one from two years ago that she wore to my grandmother’s funeral. She can barely fit it but she wanted to go so we went. My daughter takes violin at the school and sometimes they have recitals. Again, Maggie was sent “home” with another flyer asking all the kids to dress up and wear black and white. Needless to say, she didn’t go to that recital. Her dress has since been donated to a thrift store because she just can’t fit it anymore.

Even my teenager has to let things pass her by at high school if it costs money. I am proud of her though. She hasn’t given up looking for a job, even if it’s babysitting!

Little things like this sting more than people realize. Once I tell my kids’ teachers that we are homeless and have been for a while, they suddenly don’t know what to say or the opposite happens. I laughed when a school counselor asked me if I knew about welfare and shelters. I laughed and told her she doesn’t know me too well, does she?

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Possible opportunities

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (12 Comments)

Ever since that piece in the Huffington Post ran about me, I’ve been getting quite a few emails from sympathetic folks, even some donations for the mini van and I am eternally grateful to you all. In the meantime, I still have to find a way to make a living for the long-term. There is a book I wrote specifically for my oldest daughter while we were living out of the van. She was going through a lot of depression and the only way I could think of to help distract her from dwelling on our situation in a negative way was to keep her mind busy.

I did this by writing a few pages at a time about a girl called Yeracenna. She grew up poor and experienced what it was like to be abused, neglected and ignored. That didn’t mean she was worthless and she would soon discover that poverty doesn’t define who you are. It is a situation that is dealt with by learning her way through it. It didn’t take long for my daughter to identify with the main character and the world she lives in. I entitled this manuscript “New Descendant” as I also included in this story elements from our cultural background. Although my maternal side of the family is Filipino, my father’s side of the family are the Black Cherokees from Tennessee. I grew up around several different cultures and that influence can be seen in this story.

On a different project, I am working on another little book about my first experience with homelessness all the way up until now. I intend to release these on Kindle as it is free and fairly simple to use. Who knows? Maybe someday a major publisher will pick it up for hard copy but in the meantime, I will keep writing the only way I know how.

Of course, not to be left behind is my youngest daughter who now wants a story of her own so that is yet another project I am working on!

It is my hope that folks who read what I write can see what life is like on your own without a support system to stop you from falling through the cracks. Life may not be a bed of roses but it sure does feel better once you remove the thorns!

P.S. – Oh yeah, occasionally you will hear me on radio shows but when those come up, I will post the link to the station so you all can have a listen if you’re able to!

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Dear Michael Moore

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (2 Comments)

Dear Michael Moore.

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Dear Michael Moore

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness - (14 Comments)

Dear Mr. Moore,

I’ve been a fan of your movies and recently watched videos of you in Madison, WI. I got to thinking about the way your voice gets people to pay attention, to really look at who we are and what we’re doing or allowing to happen in this country.

The war out here to survive needs to be shown as it truly is…a war to survive. Corporate America needs to “see” the faces and “hear the voices” of those they are stepping on while feeding their insatiable greed. Funny, but not funny, is the fact that without us, who are they?

I believe, no, I KNOW that it is in the power of the people to change the way things are being run in their countries. Just looking at world events will show us all that. All it takes is the will power to stand up. All it takes is the courage to speak up. All it takes is the decision to act.

I want people to see first hand, what it’s like to hear your 2-year-old cry herself to sleep because she’s hungry. I want them to hear a teenager’s rage about being ignored and feeling left behind by a world she is struggling to find her way in or read her suicide notes to herself because she would rather die than live in a cold world. I want them to read about what it’s like to work two jobs seven days a week until the point of collapse or losing an unborn child while on one of those jobs because not working is out of the question.

I know you’re a busy man, Mr. Moore. I know you have projects you’re working on and I understand. In the meantime, I will still send tweets to you. I will still watch your posts on Facebook. I will read your stories when they’re posted on The Huffington Post. But please understand, that we, Homeless America, are busy too. We’re busy trying not to die out here.

Sincerely,

Carey Fuller (Aka: Indy, Indyinn, Indyinnz)

 

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New day dawning…

Posted by Carey Fuller in Homelessness | Poetry - (0 Comments)

New day dawning….

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