Wow is all I can say to the generous folks who donated to help get to New York to attend the 140 Conference! I have to admit though that I am a little nervous as I’ve never been to a 140 before. True to my nature however, every new experience is an adventure to me so in many ways I am curious about the event more than anything. If someone had told me years ago that I would be a homeless blogger and advocate for the homelessness, I would’ve laughed in their faces. Yet here I am, getting ready to head to New York to attend the conference with Mark Horvath.

Never did it occur to me that the internet and social media could impact my life the way it has ever since I took a chance on writing a letter to Josie Raymond (a former editor with Change.org). I really did expect her to send my letter to the “oval file”. To my surprise she published that letter and even more surprising to me was the response that one letter generated. Not long after that some guy named Mark Horvath sent me an email with a copy of Josie’s email introducing him to me. Nothing in her letter indicated what it was I was supposed to do other than asking me if I ever heard of Mr. Horvath. Since I wasn’t sure what to do, I figured that if I just lay low and didn’t respond, he wouldn’t notice me. Hah! Boy was I wrong about that!

At first I was a little intimidated by Mark but after talking to him for awhile I realized he’s a real person like everyone else and he showed me how to set up a Twitter account and got me to join the We Are Visible community. He said to me “You know, once you do this, your life will never be the same.” That sentence has proven to be true. I had no idea how many people could be reached via social media. It is still a very surreal experience for me to Google my name and find how many different sites I’m on. The other thing is being able to reach out to people in different cities, states and countries which to me, keeps the experience human. I knew there were other folks going through the same situation as I was but I didn’t realize just how many were homeless until I started talking with them on Twitter, Facebook and my blog, careyfuller.com. I have also met a mix of non-homeless people, some who are sympathetic towards homeless and others who are completely misinformed. I find that social media is a very effective tool in educating the masses out of the commonly held stereotypes about homelessness and who the homeless are.

Now you may ask what it is I hope to get out of going to the 140 Conference and my answer is simple; I see the conference as an opportunity to learn all I can and maybe in return, others will learn that social media can be used to turn lives around. A big thank you to all the folks that chose to help me by donating to help me get my transmission fixed and for helping me get to New York!

You know it’s funny to see the expressions on other people’s faces when you tell them you’re homeless, especially when you run across old classmates or friends of family that didn’t know as much as they thought they did. Relax, I tell them. You were expecting to see someone who didn’t look like I do or maybe you thought I had relatives supporting me until I get back on my feet. Sorry to disappoint those preconceived notions.

I am no different from you it’s just that, I lost my job and there aren’t the social services you assumed were in place to catch us when we fall. Maybe you voted to defund programs because you thought the only people who benefited from them were drug addicts too far gone or lazy people who simply didn’t want to work. Maybe you thought that the puny amount of funds our government spends on social services is more than what the government spends outside this country.

Then there are those of you who look at me and wonder why I don’t just go out and live off some man as though that were the only option a woman has in getting a better life. Hasn’t the women’s movement gone beyond that kind of thinking by now? Having a man in your life does not guarantee your life will be any better….

I also think it’s funny when folks ask me how I’m doing even though I post status updates on this blog or on my Facebook page. If you really want to know, try reading. As far as donations go towards fixing the transmission on the mini-van, we are now up to $770.00 which is about 30% of the targeted goal of $2,500.00.

On my little book of poetry, 77 books were sold (Yay!) so I thank each and every one of you who bought and read them! The book I wrote for my oldest daughter, New Descendant, has only sold 5 copies so far but, that’s 5 people reading it and I’m grateful. I know how the book industry goes so it will be a while in getting my stories out to as many as I can, I just have to be patient!

In the meantime, I’m just like everyone else who is looking for full-time work that will enable me NOT to pay for childcare as it is too expensive. When I had two jobs, one of them was solely to pay for childcare.

If you’re reading this, do me a favor. Please don’t feel sorry for me, I’m not asking for pity. I’ve been through a lot worse and maybe sometime in the near future, my experiences with homelessness won’t be in vain. If you realize I’m homeless, don’t suddenly act as though I have a contagious disease, I don’t. I’m the same person you once knew, just in a difficult situation. If you want to help because you believe in the cause that homelessness can be ended, great! I salute you in your efforts to help out!

For the rest of the homeless nation, keep on fighting and don’t give up!

So far $690.00 has been donated to help get my transmission fixed. A big thanks to everyone who gave! To be honest, I just wasn’t sure anyone would; guess you all showed me! Right now the van is just sitting in a gravel parking lot where it won’t be bothered by anybody. The deadline I have is April 10th so if I’m unable to get the transmission fixed, I’ll have to get rid of the van since my friend’s landlord’s won’t let the van stay parked where it is indefinitely.

In the meantime, I will continue to write as much as I can while looking for ways to make a living. I’m not having much luck getting job interviews or even a “thank you for applying” response to the ads I’ve applied to. Doesn’t get me down though. For all the talk you hear about the economy getting better and supposedly more jobs being made, there sure are a lot of unemployed people here in Washington State.

When you don’t have a vehicle to get around in, you realize just how much you relied on it. I had to cancel two doctor’s appointments and missed my niece’s birthday party because I couldn’t get a ride there. Once the van is fixed or I get another vehicle, I’ll be mobile again!

Although homelessness isn’t a glamorous place to be, sometimes things happen that are downright funny, like the time this couple living out of their conversion van left a Wal-Mart parking lot in a hurry and forgot that the clothes line on the roof of their van still had all their laundry on it and as they drove down the street, underwear and bras went flying all over the road!

One thing I noticed out here was the fact that you observe a lot when you are constantly moving around. Sometimes you see bad things, sometimes good. It just depends on where you’re at and when. I’ll never forget waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of shotgun blasts and the flashing lights of police cars chasing a white pick-up truck down the street. Apparently the person they were chasing was involved in a murder at a local motel and the police ran the guy into a median, then shot out the rearview window when the guy started shooting at the police. Needless to say, I didn’t go back to that neighborhood unless I was desperate because these kinds of incidents happened a little too frequently there.

I will never forget one older woman who saw us every day at a local park. She went there to walk for exercise in the mornings and one day she tapped on my window. I rolled it down thinking she needed help but to my surprise, she held up a bag of apples she brought with her that morning. She said “Excuse me hon, but are you homeless? I don’t mean to pry but I’ve been seeing you here all summer long and kind of guessed that you were. I want you and your girls to have these.” She became a good friend along with another older gal that walked her little dog around the park. I came to find out that these two ladies knew each other! The woman with the dog would bring occasional Happy Meals for my kids and I was so grateful that she did. I didn’t qualify for food stamps then because I was working but the money I made went into the gas tank and maintenance on the r.v.. It just wasn’t enough to survive on.

By contrast, there was another family that also frequented the park and they saw us with our r.v. but…the father had a position at the church that sat on the other side of the park and although my kids would talk from time to time with his kids, he made a point of separating his kids from mine once my youngest told them we lived out of the Minnie Winnebago. What was he afraid of? Homelessness is not a contagious disease.

These are the thoughts I thought today while sitting at the park with my youngest today. Seven years it’s been and I haven’t given up hope yet. I still have a way to go before I can get my transmission fixed on the mini-van but several people have donated funds to help me and I thank all of you that gave so generously. So far, $665.00 has been raised and I am truly amazed! With a little luck, I’ll be able to raise the rest of the money needed to get the transmission switched out before the end of April. Otherwise, I’ll have to scrap the van and figure out how to get another vehicle.

Day by day is how we’re living and tomorrow is the beginning of another new start towards a brighter future so don’t give up!

I got an email the other day from my youngest daughter’s teacher about a “Cool U” interview with each student in class. Typical of my daughter not to say anything about this project until the last-minute! I didn’t see the blue sheet with details on it that the teacher sent home with all the students until today. I even went through photos I have stored on this laptop and emailed them to her.

Turns out that this project is asking for my daughter to take pictures of her home and neighborhood, pets or farm animals, favorite activities and family. Right off the bat, I see a problem. First of all, we’re homeless, do you want photos of a mini van that isn’t moving right now? Second of all, we have no pets and my eldest daughter doesn’t get “home” from school and after school activities until almost 8 pm. That leaves just the few photos I have on my laptop. Our favorite activities are to have enough food to eat, a warm and safe place to sleep and no harassment from the police. I’m sure the school would love to have my daughter post that to her entire class.

Of course, me being me, I will again contact this teacher (don’t get me wrong, I actually like her and think she does a great job) and let her know that this project highlights what most people take for granted. People don’t realize my girls don’t want their peers to know how they’ve been living. I will simply have to tell the school that if they can’t use the pictures I already sent then maybe my daughter doesn’t need to take part in this activity. Sure, the teacher gave my daughter a camera to use but it has no batteries and it’s not like I have the cash to buy any. I still have a transmission that needs to be replaced.

You know now that I think about it, this isnt’ the first time a situation like this came up. When the holiday season was here, my youngest was given a flyer about a holiday program being held in the school auditorium and the school was asking all the kids to wear their best holiday outfits. Well my daughter only has one dress and it is the one from two years ago that she wore to my grandmother’s funeral. She can barely fit it but she wanted to go so we went. My daughter takes violin at the school and sometimes they have recitals. Again, Maggie was sent “home” with another flyer asking all the kids to dress up and wear black and white. Needless to say, she didn’t go to that recital. Her dress has since been donated to a thrift store because she just can’t fit it anymore.

Even my teenager has to let things pass her by at high school if it costs money. I am proud of her though. She hasn’t given up looking for a job, even if it’s babysitting!

Little things like this sting more than people realize. Once I tell my kids’ teachers that we are homeless and have been for a while, they suddenly don’t know what to say or the opposite happens. I laughed when a school counselor asked me if I knew about welfare and shelters. I laughed and told her she doesn’t know me too well, does she?

Ever since that piece in the Huffington Post ran about me, I’ve been getting quite a few emails from sympathetic folks, even some donations for the mini van and I am eternally grateful to you all. In the meantime, I still have to find a way to make a living for the long-term. There is a book I wrote specifically for my oldest daughter while we were living out of the van. She was going through a lot of depression and the only way I could think of to help distract her from dwelling on our situation in a negative way was to keep her mind busy.

I did this by writing a few pages at a time about a girl called Yeracenna. She grew up poor and experienced what it was like to be abused, neglected and ignored. That didn’t mean she was worthless and she would soon discover that poverty doesn’t define who you are. It is a situation that is dealt with by learning her way through it. It didn’t take long for my daughter to identify with the main character and the world she lives in. I entitled this manuscript “New Descendant” as I also included in this story elements from our cultural background. Although my maternal side of the family is Filipino, my father’s side of the family are the Black Cherokees from Tennessee. I grew up around several different cultures and that influence can be seen in this story.

On a different project, I am working on another little book about my first experience with homelessness all the way up until now. I intend to release these on Kindle as it is free and fairly simple to use. Who knows? Maybe someday a major publisher will pick it up for hard copy but in the meantime, I will keep writing the only way I know how.

Of course, not to be left behind is my youngest daughter who now wants a story of her own so that is yet another project I am working on!

It is my hope that folks who read what I write can see what life is like on your own without a support system to stop you from falling through the cracks. Life may not be a bed of roses but it sure does feel better once you remove the thorns!

P.S. – Oh yeah, occasionally you will hear me on radio shows but when those come up, I will post the link to the station so you all can have a listen if you’re able to!

Well folks, Caly’s mechanic friend kept his word and took a look at the mini van from top to bottom. He told me that the van is worth saving because Aerostar’s can go on forever but the transmissions go out. I asked him about just getting a used tranny from a junkyard, I found one for $275.00. Basically he said here’s the problem with those, 1. There’s no guarantee that used trannies from a junkyard will have less than 100k miles on them. 2. You might be able to replace your tranny with a junkyard part but how long will it be before you have to go out and get another one and pay more labor costs. 3. You could go and get another used vehicle but you may end up paying out more in repairs than just a transmission. His recommendation was to spend $1980.00 for a completely rebuilt transmission, get a tune-up at the same time and have my brakes fixed all at the same time. With labor and anything else that may come up, I’m looking at a guesstimate of $2,500.00 to cover anything else that needs to be replaced.

To be honest, if I had the money, I would just go ahead and get a better car so I don’t have to worry about a major break down somewhere that would leave me and the kids stranded in who knows where. When your vehicle is your home, you have to keep it in good shape.

I have been getting a lot of emails from generous folks asking where they could donate money to. To be honest, I have never felt comfortable “begging” for money but since I can’t seem to get a job (I’ve lost track of how many I’ve applied for), I decided to give in and create an account to take donations. I got the advice and link to the site from a good friend!  Here’s the link if you’re interested: http://carey.chipin.com/carey-fuller

WordPress doesn’t allow widgets so I put the link on this post. I just need to get the mini van fixed since it’s pretty much the only life boat we have at the moment. I will continue to look for a job even if it doesn’t pay a living wage. I figure some money is better than none.

A very big thank you to everyone who shared their good thoughts with me and offers of help. You have no idea how welcome your encouragement has been!

Memories of Minnie.

I was going through some pictures of mine to share with you all and found one of the Minnie Winnebago we lived out of for five years. When we first became homeless and started living out of it, my youngest was only one and half years old. My oldest was only about 9 years old then. To my youngest, the rv was home. It wasn’t until we came to Caly’s that I realized just how much of an impact the rv was on my youngest until the first night over here she said..”I don’t like it in here, I want to go back to OUR house, the rv.” That’s when it hit me that her memories of what “home” is are based on the three of us living out an old Minnie Winnebago. She was only 21 feet long from bumper to bumper but she was ours and as long as I took care of her, she took care of us.

See at the time, I couldn’t afford childcare as it was $900.00 a month for both kids and my rent was only $460.00. Add to this the absence of child support and losing your job because you slipped a disc in your back and voila! You have the makings of homelessness. I knew it was coming and in April of 2004, we moved from a two-bedroom apartment into the Minnie. All the furniture we had I either sold at a yard sale or donated to neighbors and thrift stores. Everything else went into a small storage unit. What little money I had I used for gas while waiting to get food stamps and basic health care through the state. In the meantime, I knew I had to find work and fast!

I managed to find a part-time job working for a now extinct newspaper plant in Kent. My shift started at midnight and the place had its own private parking lot that was fairly secure. The plant was in a rural area so it was quiet and I made sure to park the rv where I could see it from the warehouse windows. My kids slept while I worked and in the morning, I would drive to the nearest grocery store to get them something for breakfast before taking my oldest daughter to school. She was so embarrassed by the rv that she would ask me to park down the street so she could walk to school and not be seen by her classmates. I did so.

During this time, I had managed to save a little money to let my youngest daughter have a birthday party. We got lucky that year and had an unusually early summer and to hide the fact that we couldn’t afford a “real birthday party”, I invited friends and relatives to a neighborhood park for a “Summer Time Theme Party.” I found some balloons at a dollar store (in fact I think the paper plates and decorations were all from a dollar store!) and did the best I could at decorating a covered picnic area. I was able to borrow a friend’s kitchen to bake a “Hello Kitty” cake and to make it look store-bought, I went down to a local grocery store and to my surprise, they gave me a plastic cake box for free. To this day, my youngest has no idea that I made it and she still considers her fifth birthday party to be the best birthday she’s ever had!

I had parked the rv on the far side of the park so as not to bring attention to how we were living. From looking at these pictures, could you?

 

As for my oldest..well the memories aren’t so fond. For her, living out of the rv was a nightmare with no end in sight. She didn’t care about going to school since school was a never-ending exercise in dread. What if her peers found out she lived in a run down rv? This pic pretty much sums up her attitude about living out of a vehicle:

I know it’s been hard for them both and I have done everything I could to keep them busy with all the other activities in life that everyone else has but all that seems to hinge on money. You need money for gas, money to eat, money to do just about everything but the one thing money could not buy was me. It wasn’t long after these photos were taken that I landed a job in financial services with a national company. They didn’t know I had another job working nights at the newspaper and I had no intention of telling them until my body forced me to. That’s when the migraine seizures started. I can remember leaving my day job feeling a little funny. A friend and supervisor caught me by the arm and asked me if I was alright. She was about to call an ambulance but I shook it off and said I could drive myself to the nearest hospital. I almost made it up Smith hill in Kent when the left side of my body went numb. The first thing I thought was that I was having a stroke because I couldn’t feel the left side of my arm and I was trying to drive steer with my right. My symptoms got worse as I drove on but I was able to call my friend who had just started babysitting for me to tell her that I was parking the rv at a local garage. Thank goodness her husband knew the garage owner and he allowed me to park the rv at his shop until I got back from the E.R. . By the time my babysitter’s husband got me to the emergency room, my speech was slurred and I was vomiting. I couldn’t move my hands and he had to help me sign forms. I stayed at the hospital for six hours.

I don’t remember much after that except for when I woke up in my babysitter’s room. She was holding my head up trying to get me to drink something. It took me two weeks to be able to stand up but I was so dizzy I couldn’t stay up without help. The pain in my head was like a jack hammer but I was determined to get back to my rv because I could not afford to have it towed.

Eventually, Minnie needed more repairs than I could afford so last July, I sold her to a mechanic living out of his car. I got him to tell me his story and he said he just got out of a bad divorce and he was living out of his car at his place of employment in Seattle. His employer knew he was homeless with his dog and at least the garage was safer than the streets. I sold the rv to him for $200.00. At least this guy could fix it better than I could.

It was only by a sheer stroke of luck that Caly’s neighbor decided to give us a free mini van….with a dying transmission! Ah well….even so, guess it is the thought that counts.

So long Minnie! May you serve your new owner well!

On the way to picking up my eldest, the mini-van started acting funny. It dragged when I stepped on the gas pedal and while driving down the highway, it wanted to slow down then speed up. When the high-pitched whining sound started, I pulled into a Firestone Mastercare garage I was familiar with. Thank goodness my mother and sister lived only a few blocks away. I left the car at the garage thinking by the time my sister drove us to Bellevue and back, they would at least have gotten on diagnostic done but after waiting a couple of hours after getting back from Bellevue, no one had called.

It was getting dark and the shop closed at 6 pm. They aren’t open on Sundays and I had no way of getting back here to pick up the van let alone the funds to pay for more than a diagnostic. I got to the garage at 4:30 and told the mechanics that I might as well just take a chance at driving the van back to Caly’s place, 70 miles away. One mechanic said that he suspects that the transmission on the Aerostar is going out from what he could tell (they were nice enough not to charge me anything for taking a look after all!).

I went online to see what a rebuilt transmission would cost and most of the prices listed say $1500.00! Then my instincts kicked in. Maybe I can find a used transmission at a junkyard that has less mileage on it than mine does. The only thing after that is to see how much a shop would charge to install it.

Since today is Sunday, I can’t call any places until tomorrow. I am hoping with any luck, it won’t cost that much but since I don’t have any money, I am thinking the van may not be worth saving since it was given to me for free.

So today is another adventure in homelessness and tomorrow will determine what I do in the very near future.

Stay tuned!